"Kenny, fetch my Zantac." Peter Kay has revealed today that a series three of Phoenix Nights is written, and has been for 15 years.
I genuinely don't know where to start with this. I could sit here and just quote a hatful of lines and leave you lot to finish them off.
So many classic scenes: Sammy Snake, the Psychic, and Talent Trek.
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It's one of the greatest comedy shows ever written, and yes, sadly, it was back in 2002 that the last episode of Phoenix Nights originally ran with Max and Paddy driving off into the night.
Credit: Channel 4/ Phoenix Nights
The Bolton comedian has often spoke about the possibility of a third series of the show, but has failed to disclose any details about it.
Speaking to the BBC, Kay said: "I love Phoenix Nights and I would love to go back. I've got a lot of ideas about Phoenix Nights.
"In fact," he continued. "There's a whole series three been written for about 15 years, but so many things get in the way in life, like touring, and being a father."
Peter, I officially hereby ask you to PLEASE start recording this third series for the nation wishes to see the return of Brian Potter, Jerry St Clair, Ray Von, Kenny Senior (Kenny junior for that matter), Les and Alan.
Credit: PA
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The nation's favourite comic, who won a string of awards for his stand-up and his television work, has always maintained a 'quit while you're ahead' stance.
"You need good ideas - that's the problem," he added.
"You need good strong stories. A lot of series tend to go on for one series too many, especially with comedies, and I think people say 'ooh, it's gone off that'.
"If you're struggling and you just get a sense when you're writing that you might be running out of ideas, that's when I think you should walk away."
It's a frustrating habit of Kay's, who also has said no more Car Share after two series of the show. He left Max and Paddy's Road To Nowhere after one.
Credit: BBC/ Car Share
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"I'm absolutely delighted and overwhelmed by everybody's support and the fact that everyone's loved it so much has been wonderful for everyone who's made it," he added.
"But you're better quitting while you're ahead. There's only so much you can do in a car and the last thing you want to do is ruin it because it's a lovely thing.
"It's been wonderful working with Sian [Gibson, who plays his travel buddy, Kayleigh], who's one of my closest friends in the world.
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"We have a good laugh but I think sometimes you've just got to leave things."
It's heart-breaking to read, but we know, even if Phoenix Nights doesn't come back, Peter will be back on our screens with something amazing soon.
Fans were treated to a little teaser a few years back when Peter, and the original cast members, did Phoenix Night's Live. A little stint in Manchester, with the different acts all doing a little something on stage. As genius as it was, it was never good as the real thing.
Featured Image Credit: PATopics: Peter Kay