It doesn't get any more tense than when you're about to find out whether Stacy's cheating husband's boyfriend's younger cousin Kyle has been shagging her older sister's stepmother's son's ex Philomena on The Jeremy Kyle Show.
Everybody loves a good DNA test reveal. It is literally the epitome of daytime television.
Most people think The Jeremy Kyle Show is a pile of unreliable wank, and you may well be right, but those DNA tests are water-fucking-tight.
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So water-tight in fact that Her Majesty the Queen has honoured the DNA testing company that provides the results as they have been crowned the fastest in the WORLD at turning around tests.
AlphaBiolabs receive the samples to their lab in Warrington at 4am every day and have them all processed by 10am that same morning. That's a six hour turn-around. Most labs take 3-5 working days.
Scientists at the lab do not have the luxury of time and can deal with up to 200 samples every day.
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Rachel Davenport, director at AlphaBiolabs, said: "When we started working with Jeremy Kyle, we had to perfect a super-fast service to meet their strict deadlines.
"Our geneticists are able to provide the programme with the test results by 10am to fit in with their filming commitments.
"It was the development of this system which subsequently inspired us to offer the fastest DNA testing service in the world to all our customers."
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Clients can apparently provide samples without booking an appointment at one of their many walk-in centres across the country, which are then sent to the lab.
The ridiculously speedy service has seen the lab earn the royal seal of approval and the company are now celebrating winning the Queen's Award for Enterprise in Innovation.
After receiving the award, Alphalabs managing director David Thomas, said: "It was a great surprise.
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"I think when you just put your head down and you're beavering away you don't expect to get external recognition.
"What makes us difference from other labs is that we put the customer first.
"If that means we deal with samples in smaller batches and it could be more expensive, then so be it."
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Long may it continue, because I need to know whether Jim's wife's cousin's sister-in-law is sleeping with Jim's son's best friend's plumber's cheating ex-husband. It's need-to-know information.
Words by George Pavlou
Images via SWNS - Featured image credit: PA/Getty
Featured Image Credit:Topics: Queen, Jeremy Kyle