The Trailer For 'Sky Sharks' Might Be The Most Ridiculous Thing Ever
Featured image credit: Sky Sharks - Movie
In the past, when you've been asked what your worst nightmare is, your answer has been incorrect. I don't care what you think, I don't care what you say, you've been wrong.
The correct answer to that question for anyone is: 'Giant flying Nazi sharks, flown by zombies, fitted with swastika missiles'.
Go on, tell me I'm wrong.
As much as this would strike fear into the most masculine men by just imagining it, someone has thought, 'fuck it', and put it all into a film.
Sky Sharks is due to be released next year, and focuses around an abandoned Nazi laboratory deep in the ice of the Antarctic. I was never great at history, but I'm fairly certain Nazis did not dwell in the cold corners of Antarctica. But then again, where else would you work on 'modified sharks that are able to fly, whose riders are genetically mutated, undead super-humans'?
In the film, a group of 'unwitting' geologists discover the laboratory and accidentally unleash the flying sharks upon the world. Now, I've been led to believe that geologists are clever people, so how they accidentally let sharks that have wings loose is beyond me. But maybe they didn't realise they were Nazis? 'Nope, no Hitler inspired moustache, and they're not saluting - maybe they're not so dangerous after all?... Oh fuck, Jeff, they're attacking planes with their swastika missiles, abort, abort'.
Credit: Sky Sharks - Movie
During the trailer, there is advice for those under attack from the flying sharks. It says 'Fasten your seat belts... Feed the fishes', which, in my mind, is the worst possible advice to give.
If we pick it apart, if anything, leave the fucking seat belt off. Run, duck, cover - do what you can. Don't just sit there, readily strapped in for either a modified shark to consume you, or a bloodthirsty zombie to kill you. Secondly, feed the fishes? Take a moment out from the madness of soaring predators to quench their hunger. A preliminary snack, if you will, before they bite your legs off.
The final piece of advice is to 'prepare to die', which is arguably the worst piece of advice that anyone's ever given, for obvious reasons.
One thing that also sprung to my attention is that on the plane's on-board radar, the sharks appear. So, you're telling me that some crackpot geologist has accidentally set free these monsters, and then thought: 'Well, what's done is done. If they're flying, though, we may as well register them as planes'.
Credit: Sky Sharks - Movie
With all that being said, I'd give it a 10/10 for thinking outside the box.
Sky Sharks is due to be released on September 1, 2017.
Words by Mark McGowan