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It's probably about time that the Jeremy Kyle Show was renamed to The Weirdos of the UK, given that it provides the limelight to people who think it's acceptable to sleep with their auntie's goldfish.
This week a happy-go-lucky family appeared on the ITV programme, having issues over the way they each use vegetables.
A guest with a rather questionable fringe had accused her son's girlfriend of using phallic-shaped veg to pleasure herself. It's understandable to be a bit peeved about that. No one wants to use a carrot to make coleslaw after that.
There are a million and one better things to do with cucumbers, parsnips and aubergines. And if satisfaction is the thing you want, get a spiraliser.
I can't confess that I've ever owned one, nor do I have any intention of owning one, but it's really transfixing to watch.
The woman, who is quite obviously keen on getting her five-a-day, was also accused of taking a toothbrush to her lady garden. This caused Jezza to quip: "Is that one of those electronic toothbrushes?"
She replied: "Well, have you ever tried to reach orgasm with a manual brush, Jeremy? It's really laboured." Hey-ho.
Featured image credit: ITV/Mike Berry
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