Viewers Stunned As Phil Mitchell Goes To 'Sort Himself Out' On EastEnders
When you think of EastEnders, three things spring to mind: drama, cockneys and wanking.
Wait, what? What was that third one?
You heard - wanking. And not just wanking - Phil Mitchell wanking... Who on earth wouldn't want to hear more?
Fortunately for the millions watching the show last night, Big Phil exited stage left to 'sort himself out'. However, there is no doubt the mental image endures for many, who didn't catch a wink last night.
So, a little context.
Sharon has got Big P all hot under the collar, having alluded to the fact they had a free house to enjoy on this fictional evening. Naturally, Phil is feeling very frisky about the whole situation.
However, Phil's chance of a no pants dance takes a nosedive after Shazza has a chat with Keanu (not Reeves) that musters up some uncomfortable old feelings. Suddenly not in the mood for the rumpy pumpy of Phil's fantasies, she tries to fob off her hubby, saying she has a banging headache.
At this point, randy Phil does all he can not to blurt out, "BANGING?! DID YOU SAY BANGING?! WHEN WE BANGING!??!?!"
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Instead he forlornly replies: "That old chestnut."
Shazza has no plans on going anywhere near Phil's old chestnuts though, and apologises.
Desperate for the night not to be a flop, Phil asks if he can get her anything, presumably alluding to either painkillers or his old chestnuts.
But Shazza declines, saying: "No it's alright I'll sort myself out."
Phil at last surrenders, pecking Shaz on the cheek, before leaving the room and muttering under his breath: "You and me both."
With that, the nation's collective skin crawled, as viewers desperately struggled not to picture what was going on off camera for the next nine seconds/four minutes/three episodes of the show (option A seems most probable).
Following the ordeal, many viewers flocked to Twitter to take a load off.
One person said: "BBC I do not need to watch EastEnders and hear Phil Mitchell allude to the fact he is going to knock one out. That is a mental image that will stay with me until the day I die."
Another added: "Could've done without Phil saying he was gonna 'sort himself out' tbh."
A third even threatened to go to Ofcom: "Did Phil Mitchell just make a reference to wanking??? I do not think that I'd consider that appropriate pre-watershed! I can guarantee that didn't have a 9pm slot! A disgrace! I'm ringing Ofcom."
Here's two hot tips to ensure this third person chills out and has a better life, if indeed they're being serious: Tip one - don't ever watch EastEnders. Tip two - take a leaf out of Phil's book.
Featured Image Credit: BBC