The second SAS: Who Dares Wins contestant Jake Hazell met Emily Hartridge his 'life changed' - 'even more so now she's no longer here'.
Mental health advocate Emily, 35, passed away on 12 July 2019 when the e-scooter she was riding was involved in a collision on her way to a fertility clinic.
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Jake explained how he drove to their home after not hearing from his YouTuber girlfriend but was stopped in his tracks - by police at the scene of the crash she was involved in.
Speaking to LADbible, the 28-year-old said: "I just felt so weird that she hadn't called me to let me know how the appointment had gone.
"I was worried, I spoke to a couple of her sisters trying not to seem too worried but they were. I went to her office - she had a part time job near our gym in east London and she was meant to be there but she wasn't there."
As Jake set off to go back to their flat, he found the accident. He went on to explain: "I was driving back from the southwest [of London] and there was a really bad traffic jam. I was on the motorbike so I was in and out of the cars.
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"I got to a point and I saw this police cordoned off area and I just knew. I got off the bike, went to speak to a policeman. It was a mile long road that been cordoned off. And I said: 'Is this girl? What's going on? Is it an e-scooter?'
"And he said yeah. I said: 'This is my girlfriend, someone tell me what's going on.' And he just said: 'Look these policemen are going to come up and speak to you,' and I just went: 'f*** that'.
"So I'm walking down this empty street to go meet the police for them to give me the news of what happened. So I was the first to find out because I was there."
Despite suffering with post traumatic stress disorder, Jake said he 'wouldn't have had it any other way' because he 'was as close to her as possible'.
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Jake went on to explain how he was riddled with guilt 'in tremendous amounts' because the e-scooter was a gift from him, but he worked tirelessly to make sure people remembered her for her personality and work in mental health.
He added: "I felt like that was the least I can do. I was 25 when Emily died and she was my entire world so my entire world just fell apart. I'm still piecing it back together now."
You can watch SAS: Who Dares Wins on Channel 4 at 9pm on Sunday and catch up on All 4.
There are various resources that can help provide mental health support, including MIND, Samaritans and CALM:
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www.mind.org.uk
0300 123 3393
www.samaritans.org
116 123
www.thecalmzone.net
0800 58 58 58
Topics: Entertainment, TV and Film, SAS: Who Dares Wins