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That's right, a bloke went on to national television to show of his penis-painting skills. Gotta give it to him, he's confident.
He's called Tim Patch and he got on stage wearing a pink thong, chaps and a cowboy hat. Probably similar attire to when he appeared on This Morning back in 2016:
The Sun reports that Simon wasn't impressed when the 70-year-old started painting the portrait, and hit his buzzer before immediately leaving for his dressing room.
Fellow judges Amanda Holden and Alesha Dixon apparently joined the ITV show's presenters Ant and Dec on stage to get a closer inspection of the artwork.
Then David was heard saying: "This show has taken a dark turn. We've lost Simon, he's gone home."
Tim took up his bizarre hobby after he split from his wife, telling This Morning four years ago: "I got divorced for the second time and I thought I'm going to do something I want to do."
Whatever floats your boat, I guess.
He went on to say: "It took about six to eight months [practice] before I actually told anybody because I thought they might think I was a bit weird." I suppose that's a possibility, mate.
Tim added: "I paint for about four days in a row, I do about 20 or 30 portraits every day - it gets very sore because of the friction and stretching.
"I use body friendly paints, I make my own - they're washable. I use everything around down there, my bum cheeks and testicles and bum crack - it makes people laugh.
"With your butt you can cover a big area and smooth off very quickly."
He's not daft, is he?
Tim doesn't come cheap either - during his This Morning appearance, he explained his prices were around $200-300 (£150-230), which included shipping and videos. You'd have to wonder if his rates have gone up since 2016, though.
Oh, and he also offers two types of video: a PG version (which is cheaper) and an R-rated version.
If you were wondering, Tim says it's much 'harder' to paint with a 'stiffer brush'.
Featured Image Credit: Shutterstock
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