Aquarium Publicly Shames Poorly Behaved Penguins Because They're Secretly Evil

Penguins. Friggin penguins.

They were harmless right up until Madagascar introduced us to Skipper, Kowalski and all the rest of the pesky crew. Now, our eyes have been opened to the true nature of penguins.

To make sure we're not controlled by penguins, we as humans have a duty to make sure they know they're doing wrong and shame them to the rest of the world.

Not many people do, but The National Aquarium of New Zealand has kick started an idea, making sure their least well behaved flightless birds are on show to the public.

Timmy, for example, sounds like a bit of a dick. He stole fish AND pushed his comrade over.

Betty, on the other hand, is setting out to show that the generalisation of penguins being sneaky isn't completely true, and only applies to the males.

"Every month our penguin keepers tell the world about our naughtiest and best behaved penguins! This was the list for June," the aquarium posted on Facebook, with photographic evidence.

They even provided a video of Timmy being a rascal, trying to nab fish from Draco's mouth.

Honest to God, they're feisty.

They're adulterers. They're thieves. They're homewreckers. They're fighters.

They can flip the face value cuteness completely on its head and engage in the most unspeakable, stomach-churning acts of violence, as is affirmed in this clip brought to us by National Geographic, showing a penguin returning home to find his girl cradling another man.

Jarred, the cheated victim lunges for the homewrecking bastard in an unstoppable pursuit of revenge, not unlike anything we've seen in a Tarantino film.

And you know what, the geezer doing the dirty on his mate, shacking it up with his missus, wins.

Is there anything worse? There can't be. It's just all over the place. It's the ultimate disrespect. These animals are not cute, they are monsters.*

Be weary of them, I say. It's only a matter of time before they're hanging round on street corners intimidating pensioners as they sip Frosty Jacks, share 20 packs of cigarettes and wolf whistle at passing women.

*They're not

Topics: penguins

Mark McGowan

Mark is a journalist at LADbible, who joined in 2015 after a year as a freelance writer. In the past he blogged for independent football fan channel Redmen TV, after graduating from Staffordshire University with degrees in journalism and English literature. He has worked on campaigns such as UOKM8? and IIOC.