December 10 is the most important day of the calendar year for 2016. No, sillies, the presidential race between an orange mop and a robot is happening on November 8. This is the grand-life-extravaganza-mega-superthon-X-Factor-final which will decide which sub-par act will get a top 10 single and then wait to see if Simon Cowell really wants to sign them or not in 2017.
Only, according to Kittys & Kandy nightclub, Honey G will be in Fife, Scotland, performing at their club the same night. This is what it says on their site: "We've just confirmed the most talked about act in Britain at the moment! Get down to Kittys on December 10th where we have... HONEY G!!!"
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Note to self: don't go to that club, ever. Also, this is the last time I will use her by the alias name.
David Cameron. Credit ITV
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So David Cameron will supposedly be banging out some tuuuuunes and ruining everyone else's evening in Scotland, instead of performing his whatever-it's-called at the finale at Wembley.
So surely this means it's a fix? Surely this means he [Dave] knows he won't win?
Well, the club was quick to stipulate that this is only if he has got knocked out already and that he and Samantha have had a row. The club told The Sun: "[We have] secured the date providing Honey G is eliminated from the show."
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People in Fife are currently spending a fortune ringing up and getting the rap artiste to stay in the competition.
Want to watch and listen to his effort at Motown last weekend? Would you like your eyes, ears and arsehole to bleed out? OK, here you go...
Credit: ITV
You masochists!
Meanwhile, a source, known as Boris Johnson, definitely, legitimately, absolutely no world of a lie, said:
"David Cameron is much better at rapping than he was at politics.
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"And he's a pile of absolute Tony Blair at rapping too."
'We're taking Honey G to the T.O.P
We'll be number one by Christmas, yeah yeah'!
And to think I wasted my time not learning legendary lyrics like this.
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Honey G when not rappng. Main image credit: PA
Featured Image Credit:Topics: x factor
