They may be sweet and innocent on the outside, but inside every small child lives a volcano. Just ask dad Jesse Hill.
The father from Nebraska, US, was subject to a full-blown explosion from the bowels of his daughter last week - news of which he shared with us in a Facebook post.
He claimed to have been having a 'pretty good day' until 'the accident'. His son had been dropped off at school, the dogs had been walked, he'd even found time to go and work out.
His missus was teaching a workout class and Alessandra, sweet Alessandra was asleep upstairs. Jesse found this the perfect time to watch some YouTube videos.
Credit: Facebook
The he notices a smell. Not gas, the bins, but a... well, shitty kind of smell. His first thought was the dogs. But, after checking quickly, he realised the smell was only coming from one place.
"I run up the stairs screaming no, no, no, no," he writes. "Till I get to Alessandra's room. There she is, standing at the baby gate, butt naked, holding her diaper, covered head to toe in her own crap.
"I'm not talking a little poop here and there on her. I'm talking layered on globs of human faecal matter covering her arms, legs, face and HAIR. It's bad. It's worse than any other time she decided to explore in her diaper."
If it hadn't been Mother's Day, he claims he would have pretended to be asleep and leave his wife to discover it, but he thought better of it.
He opened the gate and led the way for Alessandra to make her way to the bathroom (she wanted picking up, his response: "Hell no!") via the stairs - only then did Jesse force himself to pick her up.
It took 20 minutes to clean her up, but after cleaning his daughter, Jesse knew a bigger challenge lay ahead... the bedroom itself.
"I walk in her room slowly and am greeted with a scene straight out of a German fetish dream," he wrote. "Everything on the right side of the room is covered in steaming baby crap.
"The walls, the toys, the windows, the curtains, the play bench, the floor, the baby piano, my hopes, all covered in crap.
"It looked like a real category 5 shit storm blew through her room. Hurricane Shitrina if you will."
Credit: Facebook
Credit: Facebook
Credit: Facebook
Credit: Facebook
Credit: Facebook
A genius name, but he realised after that he was out of ideas and duly called his wife, adding: "2 rolls of paper towels, 5 stolen gym towels, 1 bottle of pinsole, 1 bottle of bleach, 1 big bag of crap covered toys, and 2 ½ hours later her room still smells like a dumpster fire."
Jesse said he wrote the post to warn others, to aid the word of contraception and to "strike fear" into the hearts of new parents.
For those who are the victims of such poo-related incidents, it is never a laughing matter. For those who observe from afar, it's possible the most hilarious thing you'll see.
One dad at a zoo in North Carolina couldn't control himself last year when a baboon launched their own poo at his daughter.
I wonder if Jesse has considered a day out for his daughter yet?
Featured Image Credit: FacebookTopics: daughter