ladbible logo

To make sure you never miss out on your favourite NEW stories, we're happy to send you some reminders

Click 'OK' then 'Allow' to enable notifications

A Dad Discusses What Makes The Perfect Dad Joke

A Dad Discusses What Makes The Perfect Dad Joke

TheDADbible.

Mark McGowan

Mark McGowan

In the lead up to, and on Father's day, it's important to remember exactly what dads are for - embarrassing us.

Whether it be via the means of dad dancing, or a dad joke, it's why they're there.

My dad, for example, is an extraordinary being. This is because, to me, he's the funniest man on the planet. This is a truly impressive achievement because he's also the unfunniest person on the planet.

In a nutshell, he's like a mixture of Peter Griffin and Peter Kay, with his own little uniqueness that he's acquired over years and years of being a sarcastic bastard.

He's the unofficial king of dad jokes, so when I asked him if he'd be able to send me a few words on the formula behind a perfect dad joke, I knew he'd come through with some gold.

My dad (left) making me cringe after telling a joke in a McDonald's in Frankfurt airport, 2011

Excited that this could be the beginning of TheDADbible, he sent me this:

"So, what makes a Dad Joke?

"If I'm completely honest, when asked this question, I thought it referred to any joke either by or against a dad. When I found out what it actually was it precluded me from including my favourite joke containing a dad:

"A little boy walks up to his dad and says: 'Daddy, when I grow up I want to be a spaceman.' To which the dad replies: 'If I hadn't have been so pissed you'd have been shot into space."

"Now, that's funny, but it's not a Dad Joke, per se. So, what is?"

Dad: "Why did Robin Hood move into an herb garden?"

Son: "Dunno."

Dad: "To become a legend in his own thyme!"

Or:

Dad: "What do you call a fake noodle?"

Son: "Give in."

Dad: "An impasta!"

Or:

Dad: "What did the buffalo say to his son when he left home?"

Son: "I really don't care anymore..."

Dad: "Bison!"

Dad continues: "You get the drift now? It basically involves a cringe-worthy attempt at word-play or punnery to make the child, well, cringe. It all sounds very naff and embarrassing, which is how 'issue' probably regard their fathers any way.

"Let's be honest, the only time a dad isn't an embarrassment is when he is paying the bill, handing over money, giving a lift, correcting their child's fuck-up or beating up an unsavoury boyfriend; basically, anything which involves speaking is a massive discomfiture to a child.

"But, here's the thing: we know this.

"We know this because no matter how discommodious you may think we are, we had bigger wank-shafts as fathers way before you did. The reason why we are telling you these god-awful jokes is a small act of revenge. You're probably not going to remember, but you put us through some shit when you were younger, and you owe us about £217,000.

"So, the exclamation points in the punch line of the above examples are deliberate. The art of telling a Dad Joke is to take positive glee from emphasising the key word which makes the gag. A sly but firm squeeze of the child's ribs at this point wouldn't go amiss either.

"And, what every father knows, is as soon as you catch up with your crew again, you'll be telling the joke yourself - in one fell swoop undoing whatever little cool you thought you had in the first place."

Me and my dad, pissed as a fart after my cousin's wedding. What the fuck is that hat?

Other than this being one long backhanded statement towards me and my sister, he's right.

You'd never openly laugh at your dad's horrendous attempts to make you laugh, but as soon as he's not around you'd happily retell the joke to your mates.

I can't count the amount of times I've been sat in a pub, nursing a pint waiting for the pool table to become free, and I've said: 'my dad told me this joke the other day...'.

As much as I probably don't want to admit it, I've been turning into my dad for some time now. It's taken me until now to realise that I'm okay with it, that his jokes are funny, and that Thin Lizzy's Live and Dangerous album is pretty fucking good.

To my dad, and all other dads - happy father's day.

Words by Mark & Keith McGowan

Featured Image Credit:

Topics: Dad