Tory MP Says He Will Make Breakfast A Success At Party Conference

Unfortunately, I failed to turn out to the Tory Party conference in Birmingham earlier today. Though going off this review by Telegraph attendee Michael Deacon, it was an A to Z of derivative dross. A non-event which gave him an idea of what it must be like to be dead.

There was one highlight, though. And I mean a top-drawer, brilliant highlight. Concluding his speech, Welsh Tory leader Andrew Davies remarked: "Conference, mark my words. We WILL make breakfast - Brexit - a success."

The room fell apart as Davies attempted to save face.

"Now that's word that wasn't meant to come out like that was it!" he said. "I'll have a word with the autocue at the back."

If I were him, I would've gone about it differently. I would've stuck to my guns, to my blunder, and reaffirmed to the people of my party that despite the ongoing cultural tension in the country, breakfast would definitely be happening.

I'd even have a box of Cheerios tucked behind the speakers podium to emphasise the word as well, y'know, in the same way politicians do with 'Brexit'. That employment of weird, pseudo-macho accentuation. 'Breakfast means breakfast *holds Cheerios aloft* and we're going to make a success of it.'

'They can take our lives, but they'll never take OUR FROSTIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEES.'

Featured image credit: BBC

Josh Teal

Josh Teal is a journalist at LADbible. He has contributed to the 'Knowing Me, Knowing EU' and 'UOKM8?' campaigns interviewing everyone from student drug dealers to climate change activists.

@tealioni