Jewels Remain: People Are Getting The Words To 'Three Lions' Very, Very Wrong
For us football fans, the World Cup is all our birthdays, Christmases, Hannukahs, Eids, Diwahlis and Festivuses, rolled into one and served up three times a day for a month and a bit.
It's the games, the drama and the intrigue, of course, but then there's the ancillary stuff: the constant media consumption that comes from following 32 different national teams and their interactions with one another.
Me, I listen to four separate podcasts, read countless publications, follow as many players as possible on Instagram and then write about the whole bloody thing for this here organ that you're reading now. I haven't missed a single game yet.
(Before you get pedantic, I didn't see all of the ones where they clashed with other games. I've tried the two screen setup and it doesn't work: you end up not really watching either.)
What I'm trying to say is that I've got no truck with part-timers.
If you're the sort of person who doesn't really like football but tunes in for the World Cup, then I don't really care about you and I'm not going to explain who any of the Sweden players are this afternoon.
As far as you're concerned, England are playing against Mikael Lustig, Bjorn Börg, Dolph Lundgren, Ulrika Jonsson and Anna-Frid out of Abba.
For me then, it's been nice to know that these Johnny-Coming-Home-Latelys identify themselves as quickly: by not knowing the correct words to "Three Lions".
To wit: throw in the words "Jewels remain still gleaming" into Twitter and prepare for a veritable smorgasbord of part-timers, a cross-section of bandwagoners of the internet.
One user, who presumably just flicked over from Love Island to get the last five minutes of Belgium - Brazil, wrote:
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Sorry pal, if you weren't here for Morocco - Iran on that Friday lunchtime, you're nothing to me now.
No dice, love, have you not noticed that Wimbledon is on the other side?
"Half time and jewels remain still gleaming," wrote a third. Pal, the Tour de France is about to start, so pack your panniers and cycle off to that.
For the rest of you: the Jules Rimet trophy is probably still gleaming and might well be, should all go well, should Sweden do the decent thing and gimme gimme gimme a gimme this afternoon, should Russia and Croatia manage to fight each other into the ground and be too tired to play the semi final and should France and Belgium suffer a collective Spurs lasagna fail before the big day next Sunday, be coming home.