One time as a kid mucking about in the living room, jumping on the sofas, doing what kids did before iPhones, my dad got out of his seat and said to me: "Go on then. Jump. I'll catch ya' son.' I gleefully went for it, only to be completely mugged off by a side-step which left me face planting the floor. My dad sat back down, said "trust no bastard" and lit a Hamlet.
Alright, so that's a lie (apart from the cigars), but it did happen to the late great Peter O'Toole as a young lad, and I've since decided to take it as my own because it's sound advice.
Cynicism gets a bad rep when it really shouldn't. We have every right to take absolutely anything anyone says with a pinch of salt because history teaches us to. Think Judas selling off Jesus behind his back, Hitler violating the Treaty of Versailles, Ronaldo antagonising then-teammate Wayne Rooney all the way to a red card at the 2006 World Cup. The past is teeming with examples of people being terrible shits.
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Sometimes, betrayal makes its way off the GSCE textbook page and onto our television screens. Back in 2008, the producers of deceased ITV game show 'Golden Balls' managed to showcase a stupefying moment of treachery at the hands of one contestant called Sarah.
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Sarah looked pleasant. Naive, worried, but pleasant. Someone you could rely on.
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Her fellow contestant, who at the end was working in unison with her, Stephen, thought this too. And when it came to them deciding to draw the final golden balls for their joint benefit by both choosing to 'split' the £100k jackpot, it was a surefire thing. £50k each way. It makes obvious sense. That was more than enough to get by in a very pre-credit crunch Britain let alone now.
In case you never watched the show, players also had a choice of picking the 'steal' golden ball, which, if not chosen by the other person, would grant you the entire money. If they both picked the steal ball, they'd walk away with nothing. Seems funny in the featherweight, friendly days of 'Tipping Point' but there we are.
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Host Jasper Carrott asked the pair if they had anything to say to each other before making their decision. Stephen, as loyal as a Labrador, said "I am definitely going to split this." Sarah echoed his sentiment after a casting a few doubts. "Everyone who knew me would just be disgusted if I stole," she said.
In retrospect, it was a very clever way of coming across as saying "Yeah, same here Steve" when you're actually just saying that all your mates would stop including you in rounds down the pub if you stole the dosh. Looking back, Sarah might not have cared. She might have been a sociopath. Why? Because she chose to fucking steal the money.
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What an absolute horrorshow. Stephen sunk his head deep into his hands as Sarah turned away in disgust, appalled at her penchant for revenge not unlike what you see with Anakin Skywalker in Attack of the Clones. Truly awful.
It's a devastating, unfriendly reminder that Peter O'Toole's dad was not only right, but that he would have fucking hated Golden Balls.
Featured Image Credit: Golden Balls