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When we think about law and order - not the TV show - we think about the restrictions and penalties that keep our society safe and balanced.
We think about speeding and corruption and violence. Not the little things, the obscure things.
But here's why we should. Many and various are the hysterical laws still in place today in Britain.
Feast your eyes on some of these.
IN LIVERPOOL, IT IS ILLEGAL FOR A WOMAN TO BE TOPLESS EXCEPT IF SHE'S A CLERK IN A TROPICAL FISH STORE
Liverpool City Council denies this ever existed but has anyone ever put it to the test? Bitten the bullet and sold a goldfish bare-chested?
MINCE PIES CAN'T BE EATEN ON CHRISTMAS DAY
Mince pies and Christmas puddings were rumoured to have been banned back in Oliver Cromwell's day as part of efforts to tackle gluttony. Whether this still stands in May's Britain is unknown. If it does then my dad is going downtown.
A PREGNANT WOMAN CAN 'RELIEVE' HERSELF ANYWHERE SHE WISHES, INCLUDING A POLICEMAN'S HELMET
IT IS ILLEGAL TO ENTER THE HOUSES OF PARLIAMENT IN A SUIT OF ARMOUR
Armour wouldn't protect you from the shanter anyway. This one goes back to 1313.
IN YORK, IT IS LEGAL TO KILL A SCOTSMAN WITHIN THE ANCIENT CITY WALLS, BUT ONLY IF HE'S CARRYING A BOW AND ARROW
In a totally-non-murderous, light-hearted way, I really want to see this happen, and then the subsequent explanation.
IT'S ILLEGAL TO BE DRUNK IN THE PUB
Under the Metropolitan Police Act 1839, for example, it is illegal for the 'keeper of a public house to permit drunkenness on premises'.
Tell that to my grandma!
IT'S ILLEGAL TO HANDLE A SALMON SUSPICIOUS CIRCUMSTANCES
Looks a bit funny this.
Okay, fess up. We know you've done it. We know you'll probably do it again in the future. Own it and live with it. Stop fooling yourself and the salmon's intellect.
How many of these have you broken? Personally speaking, it was a clean sheet until the York one. What are the chances?
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