For most women, the fact they have a vibrator isn't something that they're shouting from the rooftops. In fact, generally they're bought in secret and stuffed down the back of the sock drawer until it's needed.
So the fact that Ann Summers has now issued a precautionary recall notice for its 'black power wand' is enough to send waves of fear and dread through every woman who just so happens to have one.
At the time of purchase, it was probably all just a little bit of fun. A whimsical purchase at an Ann Summers party after a few too many glasses of Prosecco, or maybe a late-night online shopping treat (that's just me talking from speaking from personal experience) has now turned into a proper effort.
Who wants to walk into a shop and return a used dildo? Answer: absolutely no-one. And who wants to accept said dildo? Yup, you guessed it. No-one.
A notice in the window of the Liverpool One branch reads: "The quality and safety of our products are of paramount importance to us.
"Therefore, as a precautionary measure we are recalling the above product.
"The product complies with all relevant CE safety testing standards, but we have taken this voluntary measure in response to a very small number of isolated reports that the wires in the cord have become exposed at the base of the product over a prolonged period of use."
All batch codes of the 'Black Power Wand' with item code 74701 are thought to be affected, reports the Liverpool Echo.
Don't run into the shop with your dildo in your hand just yet, apparently you can simply pop into the store for more information on how to return them. So maybe you won't have to face the embarrassment of handing it over after all.
Alternatively you can contact a member of customer services on ccare@annsummers.com or you can call 0333 440 6969.
So we know Ann Summers is a sex shop, but most of its shops are on the high street so you would assume that there wouldn't be a whole lot of disturbing things going on. It's a shop after all. However, according to Sick Chirpse (and the confessions from shop workers that they've managed to secure) people can be gross. Like, really gross.
Strap yourselves in as these are some very strange stories.
Changing Room Wanker
"It's no shocker that couples occasionally sneak past us into the fitting rooms to do the wild thing in there. What is slightly unusual is finding evidence that people have been playing their own accordions in the changing rooms. We have one gentleman who takes women's underwear in and ejaculates all over the mirrors and then leaves without even attempting to clean it up."
The Matrix Guy
"We have a dude come in who wears a long, leather Matrix style trench coat. He's got a weird air about him and doesn't engage with us at all. He just peruses the store and leaves. He does this after decorating our mannequins with a hefty amount of sperm that he's rubbed out and hurled at them. We realised it was him after he'd been in a few times and done it, we haven't caught him in the act yet so we technically have to keep allowing him in."
The Phone Guy
"He calls in-store a few times a month asking us questions about the product range, wanting our own testimonials on what things feel like. We think he jerks off during these conversations because his breathing speeds up when you say any 'naughty' words. Each time he calls in with a different and more elaborate alias. One week he's a regular guy looking to spice up his marriage and the next he's a housebound agoraphobic dude who can't make it into the store. We make bets on what he's going to call in as next..."
Sleeping Baloo
"One quiet day we had a middle aged woman come in store to try on a few latex pieces - nothing weird about that, right? Well, she'd been in there for a while, maybe fifteen minutes, so we rapped on the door to ask if we could get her any different sizes - no reply. Another ten minutes passed and we started getting concerned. Our newest team member asked again with no response so she peeked under the door. Her eyes were met with the comatose, corset clad woman with a dildo (that she's brought from home) protruding from her backside. She's tied herself into the corset too tightly and passed out midway through her naughty fitting room fest. The paramedics were struggling to keep a straight face whilst stretchering her out of there."
Rank Rabbits
"We get a fair few faulty vibrators returned to us. It's crazy how many people don't clean them before bringing them back. Oh the smell!"
Dancing strippers
"Lots of strippers buy their work clothes from us. Once we had a gaggle of them dancing naked around the shop. That was fun."
"We are not a brothel"
"It's surprising how many men assume we operate a brothel at the back of the store. It's most uncomfortable explaining that this isn't the case when guys with limited English come in looking for sex. It becomes an explicit game of charades until they finally get it's not part of what we do."
Remind me to never work in a sex shop.
Featured Image Credit: PA Images