Heatwave Is Giving Men 'Summer Penises'
If you're looking for sensible, reasoned debate, then the internet is probably not the place to go.
If you're looking for chat about penises, cod science and wild speculation, then head straight for Reddit.
Seek and ye shall find.
The topic de nos jours, given the ongoing heatwave, is the effect of extended periods of heat on the male penis. No, really. Why are we surprised by this sort of thing anymore?
"Anybody notices size fluctuation during the year?" writes a commenter on a subreddit subtly titled 'Big Dick Problems'.
"I know mine is bigger, i have better erections in the summer and i also tend more to of a shower instead of a grower. In the winter, it is the exact contrary. Why is that? More heat= Better bloodflow? Does that happen to you guys also?"
Well, ask a stupid question and... in this case, get something approximating a scientific answer.
"There's a reason people don't take honeymoons to the North Pole," The Ultimate Guide to Male Sexual Health author, Dr Dudley Danoff, told the Daily Mail.
"The non-erect penis is so variable in size from day to night, that it's probably more of an optical illusion than real if we're talking about flaccid.
"But there is an anatomical and physiological explanation for the summer months, and warmer weather versus, say, the Klondike.
More Like This
"The warmer the ambient environment, the more the blood vessels dilate, and the warmth allowing vasodilation increases blood flow," added Danoff.
"So if we think of the penis as these two sausage casings that fill with blood, and the one channel that carries the urine, then the sausage casing will swell and expand to its genetic limit depending on the volume of blood.
"The increased blood flow will increase, and the corpora [the erectile tissue] will be expanded, and the penis will be 'larger.' But I don't think it holds true in the flaccid state. There would be no explanation for that."
Dr Jamin Brahmbhatt, however, disagreed.
"Summer or winter, your penis size should remain the same," he told MEL magazine.
"When it's cold outside, your body does try to maintain its internal heat, and therefore things may appear to be more contracted.
"When it's cold outside, blood vessels near the skin contract to maintain the internal heat. However, this type of body heat regulation should not affect the overall size of your penis.
"When it's hot outside, your body does try to evaporate the heat through sweat.
"Also when it's hot outside, you may take in more water, which may in combination with the sweating make it appear like your body or skin is bloated. And that may give you the perception that things are larger."
So it doesn't actually grow, it just gives the appearance of growing.
And really, when knobs are concerned, isn't that the point?