Ring Worn By 'Satan Herself' Is Up For Sale On Gumtree
'Breaking up is never easy' - it's a classic cliché. But some take it a little worse than others.
Take this recent Gumtree post, as an example.
Let's rewind 10 years. Picture the scene: a young couple, in love, skipping happily through a field as the sun shines.
The seller says "everything was fine" - in fact they go onto reiterate the point: "...we were young, everything was fine."
Three years later and they are engaged.
Then, it went sour. VERY sour!
"It began, the rage, it boiled. Her eyes glazed over and her head span 360 degrees daily and she spewed venomous insults toward my aching heart."
Over time, it would seem it got to him a little bit as he started to believe he was the problem.
However, that soon changed.
"What was the real problem was the possession of the Well Devil," he continues.
A 'Well Devil'? What on earth is that? Fear not, all shall be explained.
"A devil that dwelled in the depths of, well, wells... self-explanatory." (Of course!)
We carry on...
"Fast forward to the 10-year mark - one day Satan awoke from its slumber and said 'listen here, mere mortal... I *SATAN* (can't use her real name for legal reasons) don't like you'.
It was at this point that the seller in question saw the light, and claims Jesus spoke to him, supposedly telling the seller to leave and 'become at one with your inner self'."
Supposedly this person is now happy, but you can't help sensing there is still extreme bitterness.
For a start the ring is listed as size 'fat'.
Following all the mythical musings that the seller has written, it would only be appropriate for them to put a disclaimer at the bottom of the report, rubbishing the ring's magical powers.
"Disclaimer - although worn by Satan [here we go, again!] herself, it does not possess any magical powers or any black magic. Cannot guarantee it's 100 percent safe to be worn by those of faith."
Clearly, this person suffered. Wikihow has put together a guide of how to cope with a breakup - we've added brackets to see if there's any possibility the person read it.
- Let yourself grieve (dramatic Gumtree post)
- Forgive yourself ('I realised it was not me' - sounds like they forgave themselves early on)
- Surround yourself with people (online Gumtree community)
- Do not drink alcohol (probably wrote this drunk)
- Keep yourself busy (by writing savage Gumtree posts)
- Pay attention to your work (there's a few grammatical errors in the post)
- Join a sport, take up a hobby (online business set-up on Gumtree)
- It's not the end of the world (although you'd not know it)
- .Reflect on your future ('and I'm now happy' they write)
There's still some work to be done here, I feel.
Featured Image Credit: Gumtree