Would you like a job where you just sit and eat chocolate all day? Well, that's not even a question, is it. Yes, sign me up ASAP. I mean I eat a lot of chocolate anyway, so I might as well get paid for it.
It's sadly not a job at Willy Wonka's Chocolate Factory, where you can frolic with the Oompah Loompahs to your heart's content - but it's the next best thing. Mondelez International, the company that owns Cadburys (along with Bournville, Milka and Oreo - so you might end up eating some biscuits too along the way) is looking for a chocolate tester.
Apparently that's a real job. And I have been training for it for years - practically since birth.
All you need to do is have a firm grasp of English (check), a passion for confectionery (check check) and excellent taste buds (check check check). I know there is such a thing as a foodie, but can we change the meaning of 'sweetie' so it means someone who has trained for years to improve their palate by stuffing their cake hole with sweets?
The job will include tasting chocolate and chocolate beverages and commenting on the taste. It's a bit more involved than just going: "Yep, that's good, I'll have another chocolate bar thanks." You need to be able to differentiate between subtle flavours, be able to suss out what the ingredients are with just your tongue (sounds saucy) and comment on whether it will be a taste that everyone likes. Improving the chocolate of this great nation is a very important role.
It's a part-time role, because let's face it, however much you love chocolate you can't eat it for 35 hours a week. You'd explode like Violet Beauregard in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. So it's a part-time position, to work (eating chocolate is hardly work though, it's a pleasure!) 7.5 hours a week from Tuesday to Thursday in the afternoon. And it's in Reading.
In another exciting chocolate news, did you know that a chocolate pill is going on sale soon that promises to cut the risk of heart disease, dementia and strokes? I knew that chocolate was good for you!
And it's not good for you because it's delicious, or I should not just because it's yummy, it's because it has nitric oxide in it, which helps blood flow.
The EU declared that chocolate was medicinal last month - a historic day for the world, clearly - but only dark chocolate and you would have to eat 400g a day which would be over 2000 calories and 350 per cent of your daily fat intake. So that's bad. Instead they've cunningly made a chocolate pill, so you get all of the goodness and none of the fat, reports The Sun.
It's called Flow + which doesn't make it sounds very chocolatey. But it has cocoa in its purest form - and is apparently very good for you. Well, I don't want any heart problems, better break out the dark chocolate then.
Words by Laura Hamilton
Featured Image Credit: TriStar PicturesTopics: Chocolate