Renting a flat can be a real painful process. Estate agents are notorious ditherers even though it is their job to house people, finding somewhere liveable and affordable is nearly impossible and the chances of not finding a serial killer to live with are slim.
Until now...
A man called Jim has posted on Gumtree what might be the greatest flat listing of all time. And it's cheap as fuck too.
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He begins his advert with a solid, "Good day," which already says to me he is a stand up guy. Then he says his best pal is moving to Yorkshire to study auctioneering, which lets me know this guy has great taste.
The rent is £450 a month including bills and £20 every fortnight for a cleaner, because why wouldn't you want a cleaner if you're living in leafy Hove, Sussex.
I've no idea if this guy is joking but here's the rest of the listing...
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Said room is very spacious with an en suite. Included we have a large wardrobe and a glorious view of a local park.
Also we have access to the communal gym. I do not care to use it , personally I feel time is much better invested with my trotters up sipping of the finest Argentine grape.
Although Rupert is off to chase his dream to be the next David Dickenson and I am very happy for him, I need a new companion. I am very easy going and I must say I do dabble in the odd beverage here and there. The qualities I am looking for in a housemate are as follows.
Cleanliness
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A keen lover of racket sports
A bloody good laugh
Please note I am newly single and ready to mingle so ladies, please feel free to apply. Likewise I would love a new bachelor to replace Rupey so we can paint the town black and bloody blue!
Please note I have a pet cat, called mittens. She is adorable, be it she only has 1 front leg (bless her little cottons) so YOU MUST be cat friendly.
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You get a nickname along the lines of 'Rupey' and he calls wine 'grape'. This guy might be the greatest flatmate of all time. Oh, and have you seen the place yet?
Sign me up.
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All pics via Gumtree
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