Ranking The Best Food At McDonald's
There are a lot of options to choose from when it comes to fast food, but perhaps the most disposable is McDonald's.
The fast food franchise has been feeding the hungry and the inebriated for 76 years now, and sometimes there's nothing that a Maccies can't solve. Sad? Have a Maccies. Happy? Get yourself to Micky D's. Excited? Indulge in McD's. Fucked out of your skull after countless Jager bombs? Head towards the light of the golden arches.
Many people have their go-to meals, whether it is your I-know-where-I-stand-with-a-Big-Mac-and-Coke, or six chicken nuggets, but we all know that if you ask for McDonald's own sweet & sour sauce you're a fucking square.
Now, we're not going to fuck about with Maccies' salads and all that tripe, because, honestly, if you go there to get that you should see someone about it. But it's important to have some sort of guide on burgers, chicken meals, snacks and all the rest of it.
There's no point in fucking about with your standard hamburger or cheeseburger when it comes to McDonald's. Unless you have no money left, or are saving money for a taxi after a night of debauchery, just get a double cheeseburger or a quarter pounder with cheese. The normal cheeseburgers and hamburgers are, frankly, embarrassing. You can finish them in one bite.
Now, when you step up to the Big Mac, things change. As mentioned before, everyone knows where they stand with a Big Mac. If you're eating it while drinking, however, things can get a bit messy. Due to the three slices of bread, the two patties, the burger sauce and the salad, it gets a bit sloppy. Handle with care.
Going even further, stepping into the realms of the Big Tasty, quite frankly, you'd be idiotic to not get it with bacon. In fact, it's odd that McD's would even make it an option to have it without bacon. It's bacon, of course we want it, whack it on.
It can be tough to handle, but as far as drunken end of night meals go - fucking great.
When it comes to the chicken items on the menu, there's a lot more choice, thanks to the numerous sandwiches and wraps that are on offer nowadays.
You can get the BBQ, Sweet Chili, or Peri Peri chicken wraps, which do make for a nice, quick snack - something to keep you ticking over after a few pints. However, they don't completely fill the hole.
You can always pick up a Mayo Chicken for 99p, which is a solid choice to fill a quick gap. However, when it comes to superior chicken products, the McChicken Sandwich and the Chicken Legend sit on a pedestal.
Depending on how you're feeling, the Chicken Legend offers spicy salsa or cool mayo options, and the McChicken Sandwich is as standard as you like, so, just like the Big Mac, you know where you stand.
Ranking highly in the estimations of most drunkards is the 'share' box of nuggets. Quite frankly, anyone who tells you that 20 McNuggets to yourself is too many can take their head and shove it sideways up their own arse. Twenty nuggets is just enough in many ways. If some dick who decided not to buy any food inevitably asks you for a nugget, you can give them one and still have enough to fill you.
You can also eat them in stages. Before the taxi home, after the taxi home, in bed, and then, if you're desperate, in the morning. FYI, you will need sauce.
Don't take the piss.
To be honest, this is entirely down to personal preferences. The standard options of Coke, Fanta, Sprite etc. are the same as they would be anywhere, only they're filled with enough ice to drown a midget.
A word of warning is needed when it comes to milkshakes, though. Fail to let the milkshake melt enough and it's going to feel like you're sucking on a nipple that refuses to lactate.
Probably the best thing about Maccies' menu is the breakfast. It is quite shit that you have to be up for it, though.
Despite it's early time frame, now and again you will find yourself still up on a Sunday morning, having danced the night away fuelled by cheap lager, 2-4-1 Daiquiris and Red Bull.
When this happens, it's actually quite glorious. The whole menu is great, but hash browns are a must. You HAVE to get them with the breakfast.
The best bet is a Double Sausage & Egg McMuffin, which blows everything else out of the water. The wraps are also of high quality, but are almost like The Courteeners. They're alright, and you can listen to them, but you'd much rather listen to The Smiths or Oasis.
I've also got a lot of time for their hot drinks range. A hot chocolate or the coffees do the job well.
Just get fries, don't piss about.
What are your favourite Maccies meals?
Featured Image Credit: PA Images