Times when it is completely acceptable for a bouncer to spark someone out, or you want the renegade to at least be messed up a bit:
The queue jumper
The guy that tags along with you, whom you've never met. 'Fackin 'ell geeza, queue's hugggeee. Don't mind me tagging in 'ere do ya'? Yes, sir, we mind.
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Also guilty are the groups, male, female, or a mix, that think they've got a divine right to just jump in, purely because they're a pack of clodpates.
Then there's Nathan who 'cos he knows someone who worked there seven years ago thinks he can be a legend and get everyone in. Nathan, do us all a favour and scram. And don't come back.
The moron
These come in many guises.
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1) The drunk and coked up moron who wants to talk to everyone, even though you've never met him before. We don't want to talk to you - chuck him out.
2) The racist. Plenty of them around. They have a Babysham and then spout vile bullshit. We're here to have a good time - not listen to you.
3) The roider. Roid lad gets angry that he's not angry at anything yet. Will fight himself in the mirror, but prefers to find another lad who may or may not have knocked him walking past by mistake and then smack him and blame other said chap.
4) The pants pisser. By the time he's at this stage, he should already have been thrown out. Somehow he stayed in the club/bar, keeping himself to himself just enough. Got a bit of time for this type, to be fair.
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5) The 'I do this for a job, bow down world and all metaphorically suck my dick' guy. Nope, throw him out. He's taken the label out of his H&M jacket, he thinks 'cos he visited Margate once he's a business traveller and may even have a card but he's no fucking Patrick Bateman. I'm here to have a good time here pal. Do one.
6) Anyone from Geordie Shore, TOWIE or any equivalent.
(THINK I'VE MISSED A TYPE, PUT IT IN THE COMMENTS).
And now just think about being a bouncer who sees this day in, day out.
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This video shows it.
The footage, which was captured on a bouncer's chest camera in America, shows intoxicated men and women being unreasonable. Shock and horror! To witness just a snippet of an evening in the life of such a worker, take a peek at this.
Aside from the obvious - dodging random punches, kicking out trouble makers and refusing entry - the doorman in the video also has to decode the drivel coming from the mouths of drunk party goers. "If I don't get my glasses back, I need my shit back, do you realise who my parents are? You're done," one lovely lady claims. That said, perhaps she has just genuinely forgotten who her da and ma are?
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It does't come as too much of a surprise, really. We've all been to a nightclub sober because we have to drive, get up early in the morning, or perhaps we're just taking it easy on the booze for a bit. Every little action drunk people do sends you into oblivion. You realise just how vexatious everyone is. You don't want to be there but you promised your work colleague Jimmy you'd go for a bit and he's massive tit but if you don't go he'll spend the next month telling you about the 'epic' night you missed and he sometimes does some of your work for you. There's a compulsion to be there. A tactical evening write off to save you a month of despair. There you are, bored, booze-free, hating the world and everyone in it.
Now times that by 10 and there you have the typical shift of a bouncer.
Featured image credit: YouTube/Peter Williams
Featured Image Credit:Topics: Club