Male Domestic Abuse Is A Problem We Should All Recognise

In some circumstances it might seem like something to laugh at if your mate is hit by their girlfriend. After a drunken night, when tensions run high after an argument, if a man is hit, kicked, slapped or abused in anyway, it's not just a simple case of a 'fight', it's much more than that.

Male domestic abuse is very real, yet is overlooked due to its rarity and the higher severity of abuse towards women. However, recognising a man suffering from violent abuse is important.

This was outlined in the past on The Jeremy Kyle Show. Jezza was speaking to a man who recalled having to leave his third floor flat via the balcony, ending up in hospital, because he felt threatened by his partner who had locked him in.

Credit: Jeremy Kyle

While the man is telling his story, the studio audience laughs. Kyle, who is the main enabler of these giggles, put a stop to it. He says: "This is why you shouldn't laugh. If this was the other way around, and a woman was sat here and a bloke had locked her in a flat and she had to jump out and injure herself, you lot would not be laughing, you would be saying 'he's a complete nightmare, he should be locked up and that's disgraceful'.

"Somehow, if it happens to a bloke, it's funny. It's not funny."

It's weird to say it, but Jezza is spot on. If he can recognise it, we should be able to, too.

According to Man Kind Initiative, 13.2 percent of men state they have been a victim of domestic abuse since they were the age of 16. For every three domestic abuse victims, one is a man, meaning the figures state the equivalent of 2.2 million male victims. One in four women and one in six men suffer from domestic abuse in their lifetime.

The truth is that many people don't believe that men can be abused, meaning that it's a bit of a news flash to learn about it.

It's also not just a case of being hit, or locked in a flat. It can come in forms such as psychological, physical, sexual, financial and emotional, with the the government definition of domestic abuse being: Any incident or pattern of incidents of controlling, coercive or threatening behaviour, violence or abuse between those aged 16 or over who are or have been intimate partners or family members regardless of gender or sexuality.

Credit: owlgray via Flickr

"The younger a man is, the more likely he is to be a victim, however he is more likely to escape because he is not tied into mortgages, and children and marriage," Mark Brooks, chairman of Man Kind Initiative, told TheLADbible. "Men are also three times less likely to tell anyone they are a victim than a woman.

"Domestic abuse is a problem affecting both men and women and often the same types of problems women face are the same for men. However, there are differences.

"Men do not recognise they are a victim because society conditions them into thinking only women can be victims. When they are a victim it undermines what it means to them to be a man. It damages their pride, they are embarrassed and they fear they won't be believed, or in some cases laughed at.

"The key thing is a man does not deserve or need to be in an abusive relationship - he needs to leave and escape. There are more organisations and helplines available. He should also rely on his mates to help him get out and work on it together."

Credit: The Javorac via Flickr

He continued to tell TheLADbible: "My last message is to all young men. If you have a mate who is an abusive and controlling relationship, your role is to help him, not laugh at him. That's what good mates do."

As with a lot of serious issues, men aren't necessarily willing to open up or talk about it to their mates. That means that there's a duty that falls on our shoulders, as friends, to be aware of when these things are happening.

For example, if your mate suffers from controlling behaviour, beyond being 'whipped', it's easy to notice. If it gets to a point when they've become isolated from independence and the things they once enjoyed or did for personal gain, they're being controlled to become subordinate.

On the other hand, if they're suffering directly from coercive abuse, it could mean that, as well as being violently assaulted, they're being threatened, humiliated, intimidated and frightened.

Many charities can help with men who are a victim of domestic abuse. Man Kind Initiative provides a confidential helpline and online support for men of any background and any age, as well as an area for relatives and friends to call on behalf of someone they may suspect is a victim.

To get help you can call Man Kind Initiative's confidential helpline on 01823 334244.

Topics: domestic abuse

Mark McGowan

Mark is a journalist at LADbible, who joined in 2015 after a year as a freelance writer. In the past he blogged for independent football fan channel Redmen TV, after graduating from Staffordshire University with degrees in journalism and English literature. He has worked on campaigns such as UOKM8? and IIOC.