Amazon founder Jeff Bezos has been making headlines all over the world recently, due to the fact that he has just overtaken Microsoft founder and world's biggest nerd Bill Gates as richest person on the planet.
The internet tycoon has also received considerable column inches for his impressive physical transformation from 'guy who probably collects factory sealed anime figurines and drinks warm milk before bed' to 'guy who probably still does both of those things but could definitely kick your fucking head clean in if you ever took the piss out of him for it'.
But in spite of having all the money and (some of the) muscles in the world, Jeff Bezos is allegedly still a human being, and as such, is doomed to wind up as worm food, buried six feet down beneath the cold hard ground, just like the rest of us.
Credit: PA
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Regardless of the creeping inevitability of death, the multi-billionaire has been throwing a lot of money at scientists who are attempting to stop the aging process. 'Ooh, look at me, I'm Jeff Bezos and I'm all muscly now and I don't want to die.' PFFFFT.
Anyhoo, the project that has been receiving most of his attention is called Unity Biotechnology - a controversial project which is aiming to 'make the debilitating consequences of ageing as uncommon as polio'. That will do wonders for overpopulation. What a fantastic idea.
The Silicon Valley firm has already raised £90 ($118.2m) million in investment, which you would think would be enough to make them pull their proverbial finger out and have come up with a solution by now. Hell, I'm pretty sure I could produce an elixir of life if you gave me that sort of money and put me in a lab, but these California tech lot are probably all too busy eating fro-yo in their astro-turfed offices and having meetings in the company ball pool.
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So, unfortunately for Bezos, it looks like money can't buy you eternal youth - not yet at least. Perhaps that's why Amazon has now announced a £11 billion ($14.4bn) deal to buy leading high-street peddler of organic edibles Whole Foods. Could this business move be a thinly veiled attempt by Bezos to stay alive longer by buying up and eating all the granola bars and kale smoothies on the face of the Earth? I suppose we'll never know, but I like to think so.
Either way, immortal or not, Jeff Bezos is the richest man on the planet and the top 5 list has been updated accordingly.
1. Jeff Bezos, Amazon ($90.6bn/£69bn)
2. Bill Gates, Microsoft ($90.1bn/£68.6bn)
3. Warren Buffet, Berkshire Hathaway ($75.6bn/£57.5bn)
4. Amancio Ortega, Zara ($71.3bn/£54.3bn)
5. Mark Zuckerberg, Facebook ($56bn/£42.6bn)
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Words: Paddy Maddison
Topics: jeff bezos, Amazon