There Is New Hope For Guys With Small Dicks
Even though you tell your mates you're packing a sledge hammer, we all know you're not, and that's the very reason you've clicked on this article.
But fear not, pin-dicked reader, there is hope out there. A Beverly Hills urologist, Dr James Elist, has developed a revolutionary dick enlarger. Although it looks like the most painful thing in the world.
The silicone implant costs $13,000 (£9,000) and can increase your girth and length by two inches.
"This is similar to breast implants - but a breast implant is a bag filled with silicone gel or in some cases saline,' the urologist explained.
"My implant is different; it's not filled with anything.
"The material is very soft silicone with the shape of the penis - which covers the penis for 270 degrees around and the whole length of the penis." Dr Elist said.
All of life's problems, solved.