There are countless different types of boners that all men experience. Just off the top of my head, I can think of the standard boner, the morning glory, the painful piss boner, and of course the inappropriately timed boner that comes and goes with the wind when there's absolutely nothing around to set it off.
But why is it that we sometimes get random erections when we're literally just chilling with a cup of tea, and there isn't a single impure thought running through our young minds?
I figured I'd find out, just to make myself feel better about the awkward erection I was ridiculed for in an English lesson back in 2004. I still get flashbacks of the pointing and laughing.
The good news is that it won't last forever. You're a lot more likely to get a hard-on at your nan's funeral when you're young and your hormones are fluctuating up and down. Awkward boners will become less common as you get older. Ask your dad, he'll tell you.
These mad hormone levels are also the reason young people are so unpredictably emotional. Young adults are not only prone to random erections, but also throwing massive hissy fits over really trivial things like your mum putting gravy on your chips when you specifically requested her not to.
Anyway, back to boners. Because our testosterone levels fluctuate all the time, we're actually more prone to unwanted erections at certain times of the day. This is also why we get morning glory. This chart, created by Stephen J. Winters at the University of Louisville, shows the peak times for testosterone:
So there you have it, getting a random boner in school or work doesn't make you a dirty little bastard, it happens to everyone and it's nothing to be embarrassed about. Alright, it's still pretty embarrassing.
Fortunately, peak boner time appears to be outside of school or work hours. Thanks, hormones.