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Why Don't We All Decide To '​Fuck The Environment'?

Why Don't We All Decide To '​Fuck The Environment'?

Yeah, yeah…what he said.

Anonymous

Anonymous

Yesterday, we announced a pretty unique partnership with National Geographic. Basically, the whole thing is centred around taking a candid look at the devastating effects that global warming's having on our fragile, little planet.

It's actually pretty exciting for us, because we're getting to be the exclusive streaming partners on a brand new documentary where that geezer who played a chizzed-up loon in theThe Wolf of Wall Street swans around the planet in really heavy coats trying to find out how to stop us all boiling up in a CO2-induced hell-fire of an apocalypse. Given the fact that I have zero-to-no interest in melting like that Choc-Ice you accidentally put in the fridge rather than the freezer, because you'd been on the razz, I'd like to personally applaud him for being a gent' and attempting to sort that for us. Sound.

The same admiration and respect could, however, not be felt from TheLADbible commenter Robert. Honest man Robert HATES the environment. Hates it. The worst. Merely brief seconds after the press release embargo was lifted, moments after we proudly told the world about the partnership, he furiously produced his keyboard and began pounding the keys in a manner that would imaginably put the most exaggerated PlayStation tantrum to shame. Rob laid out exactly what few, if any, were actually thinking: "FUCK THE ENVIRONMENT".

Facebook
Facebook

Image Credit: Facebook

Fuck it. Fuck that environment.

Sure, it's a curious sentiment by any stretch of the imagination but the beauty of our platform is that there's room for all sorts of opinions and beliefs. It's a forum to hear each other out, discuss and, hopefully, develop a more rounded, more worldly view on the subjects that pull at people's heartstrings.

Unfortunately, Robert's comment didn't pick up much traction and, sadly, he hesitated to offer any more detailed insight. Am I destined to never find out what hardships the environment has inflicted on him? How will I sleep at night? Surely, there must be a perfectly good reason for being at loggerheads with Mother Nature. Right?! Keen, I decided to hazard a guess as to just what it might have been that really hit a nerve.

IS IT THE OZONE LAYER?

Suncream
Suncream

Image Credit: PA Images

It probably is, you know. The ozone layer is so shit. Isn't it the reason that we need to buy all those stupid, expensive bottles of sunscreen? Man, I hate that stuff. You know when you're a kid at the beach and you need to grease yourself up in it because your mom's screaming at you that'll you get completely frazzled? You get covered in sand and it's all sticky and horrible? That's because of the environment. It definitely is. I refuse to get stick for any environment. That just ain't me.

IS IT AIR?

Scuba diver
Scuba diver

Image Credit: PA Images

Seems rather unlikely. Air is pretty chill. I mean, it's essential, isn't it? With that said, all that constant breathing can be tiring and time consuming to say the least. Imagine a world where you didn't have to waste a minute of your day with that nonsense. A world where you weren't automatically forced to take any sort of restorative, momentary break between gob-fulls of Chicken Nuggets. That's a world I'd like to live in, Robert.

IS IT TREES?

Bloody trees. They're everywhere these days. Incessantly littering their irritating leaves all over innocent concrete roads and tarmacs. I once slipped in a pile of browning autumn leaves that had become wet from the rain and then toppled into a dog turd. My sister made fun of me for an entire week because of it. If anything remotely similar has happened to Robert then I genuinely do sympathise. I'll be right there with you when the revolution comes, banging down the Parliament doors, screaming: "FUCK THE ENVIRONMENT!"

IT'S DEFINITELY THE OCEAN!

Wetherspoon
Wetherspoon

Image Credit: PA Images

I bet it's the ocean. It is. All full of sharks, seaweed, empty shampoo bottles and discarded willy-hats. Not to mention the thousands of gallons of cordial urine that annoying little children flood it with on holiday. Robert, if you reckon that the ocean is a useless watery waste of space that should all be paved into one absolutely gigantic pub carpark and/or an absurdly large Weatherspoon's beer garden that does Curry Club every day of the week, then, you know what, I'm with you. Fuck the environment.

Featured Image Credit: YouTube

Featured Image Credit:

Topics: Environment, climate change