Notorious criminal mastermind The Queen has had another one of her evil schemes foiled by a diligent, law-abiding member of the public.
Well, not quite; some joker rang the police and reported her for not wearing a seatbelt while driving (or being driven, we should say) to the State Opening of Parliament.
West Yorkshire Police received a call from somebody who had spotted that Liz was in fact breaking the law on her commute.
The law regarding seatbelts states: "You must wear a seatbelt if one is fitted in the seat you are using."
But the Queen plays by her own rules, she doesn't give a fuck about any of that, and why should she? After all, she can't be prosecuted.
If anyone else was caught so brazenly flouting the law they would be fined £500, but such rules don't apply to our great monarch.
Crazy, isn't it? But it's because the police service, courts and prisons are all under the direction of the monarch - the Queen can't be arrested, prosecuted or imprisoned unless under exceptional circumstances.
Even if she murdered someone it would be a bit of a grey area, legally speaking. So, suffice to say that not wearing a seatbelt probably ain't going to land her a 10-stretch in Strangeways (or whatever the royal equivalent is).
In spite of the fact a law was clearly being broken, West Yorkshire Police weren't too impressed with what they deemed to be a non-emergency situation.
Tom Donohoe, of West Yorkshire Police, said of the incident: "I cannot stress enough that the 999 number is for emergencies only."
West Yorkshire Police are no strangers to ridiculous 999 calls. They've even compiled a list of the most bizarre ones that you can actually listen to on their website.
The calls include somebody complaining that their dog was snoring, a concerned member of the public who - shock fucking horror - had a cat IN HER HOUSE!! And another who wanted to report the dead pigeon in the front garden.
One guy even rang 999 to ask what the 'non-emergency number' was, while another was worried about his mate who was locked in a toilet.
One caller dialled 999 to complain that their dog was snoring. Credit: Flickr/germanny (Creative Commons)
They might sound funny, but once again Tom Donohue, head of the Communications Division, is not amused.
He said: "These calls are so ridiculous it's astonishing listening to them but they hide a serious truth.
"Each call often takes minutes to deal with as our Customer Contact Centre staff have to clarify the situation - it might not sound like much but if someone is trying to get through to report a genuine life or death emergency then a minute is a very long time to wait.
"Emergency graded incidents will result in an immediate response and it is imperative the West Yorkshire Police are in a position to receive the call and dispatch appropriate resources without delay.
"Typically we receive over 1,000 calls a day to the 999 number and our operatives have to deal with each one accordingly."
Tom added: "The inappropriate calls are bad enough - but for someone to maliciously dial 999 to take up police time, knowing they are making a false report, is simply unacceptable."
Words: Paddy Maddison