Donald Trump Reportedly Has Code Words For When He Wants To Have Sex
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Being president of the United States is never going to be a simple stroll in the park for anyone. There are many decisions to be made, multiple issues - national and international - to deal with, and as it turns out, having sex in your own gaff isn't as straight forward as you'd think either.
After a long day of causing mass disruption in a country, Donald Trump has to remember code words if he wants to get down and dirty with the First Lady.
The reasons for this are two-fold - firstly, he doesn't want anyone barging in while his floppy haired, orange stained body is thrusting away, and secondly because no one really wants to have the "excuse me mate, but I'm just going to have sex, do you mind going making a butty or something to keep yourself occupied?" conversation.
Last year a statue of a naked Donald Trump was placed outside a shop in Hollywood. Credit: PA
Instead, he and Melania each have a code name, which, if said, instantly tells his staff that he doesn't want to be disturbed.
According to FHM Trump's code name for himself is 'Renegade', where as Melania's is 'Renaissance', and they have to say they are 'discussing the Bosnian problem'.
All together that sounds pretty disturbing - a little more disturbing than simply being told 'Donald Trump is having sex', just because he refers to himself as 'Renegade'. What does he say when he's having a bit of 'me time', too? "My favourite song by Jay Z is Renegade featuring Eminem. I'm going to put it on and have a think about the Bosnian problem."
According to Telegraph Media, Trump wasn't actually the one who came up with the whole code word procedure. It was, in fact, his predecessor, Barack Obama.
Back in 2008 Huffington Post reported that Obama was expected to have sex inside the house, something his two children were over the moon to see in the headlines. According to reports he and Michelle Obama were the first couple to get down to it in the White House since Calvin Coolidge, the 30th president of the States back in the 1920s.
Weirdly, Trump has been the focus of some sex and porn based internet content over the last month or so, as he prepared to move into the White House.
His inauguration speech has made its way onto Pornhub, with an accompanying title saying 'Rich White Man Fucks Entire Country All At Once'.
While his now infamous golden showers debacle inspired people to search for the weeing sex act a further 289 percent on Pornhub on January 11, according to Pornhub Insights. Searches for 'Donald Trump' were also up by 273 percent on the same day - which is absolutely revolting.
There's also an adult parody film that features a character called 'Donald Tramp'.
Actor Dick Chibbles wears a wig and looks as if he's smothered his face in Wotsits, and the synopsis reads: "Donald Trump is loud, but Donald Tramp makes the ladies moan loud."
Credit: Wood Rocket
There's very little chance of this film turning anyone on, but if that's what tickles your fancy, then hey, you do you.
As far as it goes for having a laugh, this looks as if it'll be up there with the best of them.