On paper, John Cena has done pretty well for himself. He's a 16-time WWE world champion. He's due to marry Nikki Bella, who's basically the modern era Trish Stratus. He has a PhD in Thuganomics. He has almost everything, he claims.
It's so sad then, that no one has ever been able to see him achieve these so-called feats.
All we have is word of mouth, that John is in fact a crew-cut, jort-wearing, six-packed, shredded, attitude-adjusting wrestler.
Yesterday the myth allegedly turned 40-years-old. To celebrate the milestone he updated his Twitter account, posting a video of 602 pounds floating in the air.
Bringing in 40 with 602. Never let age define drive. #EarnTheDay #NeverGiveUp @WWE @Tapout @espn @SportsCenter pic.twitter.com/JMptCq4Vmj
- John Cena (@JohnCena) April 23, 2017
He says that you should never let age define you, but that's bullshit coming from a man you can't see, isn't it? For all we know he's covered in wrinkles and is aging terribly. But we'll never know because we'll never fucking see the LAD.
Nikki Bella, a woman who clearly has a huge drug problem as she often hallucinates and claims to constantly see John, has said she's marrying the wrestler.
Prior to her match at Wrestlemania, she complained that Cena was never going to propose to her. Then, following her victory, she claimed that he asked her to marry him in the ring. Odd, there were thousands of people there, and millions watching around the world and no one saw it, Nikki.
Nikki recently stripped off naked to celebrate the YouTube channel that she runs with her sister, Brie, reaching 500,000 subscribers.
Seemingly having an odd boost in confidence, she turns to her left and speaks to someone, despite there being no visible person there.
Check it out here:
Credit: YouTube/The Bella Twins
The female WWE wrestler tells the camera: "OK, this is a very good idea, because why? We got half a million subscribers! So we are ready to give all of us to all of you."
Ever since 2012, people have questioned the honesty of Nikki , who claims to have been dating Cena since then. On the WWE Network shows Total Divas and Total Bellas, Nikki often says, "John and I", leading people to believe she's a prolific liar.
She once posted a video to her YouTube channel, showing off her swanky house. She persistently says "we" and "our", while looking up and to her left.
She takes the cameras into her living room, highlighting where she likes to relax and play music. Weirdly, at one point she leans, pouts and kisses thin air. She also attempts to play guitar as the piano plays - though no one is sat behind it. Spooky.
Check it out here...
Credit: The Bella Twins
Loads of art and album covers sit on the wall, while a giant TV is the main focus of the 'casual' living room.
The lush mansion is in Tampa, Florida, and reportedly features other things like a cigar room - nice taste, Nikki!
In a similar video, the Bella twin shows off her swimming pool - where she claims to have seen John Cena in the past. Kind of like the Loch Ness Monster.
Featured Image Credit: Twitter
Topics: John Cena