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A Sex Theme Park Called ErotikaLand Is Coming And It's Bonkers

A Sex Theme Park Called ErotikaLand Is Coming And It's Bonkers

Some great attractions.

Liam Bond

Liam Bond

Ever since the demise of Alton Towers, we've all been crying out for a theme park that we can trust. Preferably one with bumper cars shaped like massive dicks, because that'd be funny.

Well, someone over here should take inspiration from Mauro Morata, the man behind the 'world's sexiest theme park'.

The adults-only ErotikaLand in Brazil will open its doors in 2018, despite many fears that such an attraction will cause the location, Piracicaba (about two hours away from Sao Paulo), to become known as 'the capital of sex'.

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"We cannot be known as the capital of sex," Christian activist Matheus Erler moaned to local paper Veja Sao Paulo.

Despite these concerns, investors aren't expected to pull out.

Although ErotikaLand is literally a theme park for people who really love shagging, sexual intercourse between visitors will be strictly forbidden.

If anyone gets the urge for a bit of hanky panky after a trip to the 'sex playground' or the 'museum of sexuality', they can check into a nearby seedy motel.

"This won't be a place for nuns, but it's not like we're trying to recreate Sodom and Gomorrah. If attendees want to take things to another level, they can go to a nearby motel - which we will operate," Morata said, according to the Daily Express.

If you haven't already booked a ticket for you and your other half, just fucking wait until you hear about what you can expect to see at ErotikaLand.

Here are the proposed features:

  • A 7D cinema with vibrating seats
  • A sex toy shop
  • A museum dedicated to the history of sexuality
  • Erotic games
  • An erotic sculpture park
  • A nudist swimming pool
  • A sex playground complete with a water slide
  • Bumper cars shaped like genitalia
  • Snack stalls selling aphrodisiac treats
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    Yeah, I had no idea 7D cinemas existed either. Apparently you feel exactly what you see on the screen. Imagine watching Cool Runnings on that.

    Investors say that the theme park will promote healthy sex and create at least 250 jobs for locals.

    Oh, and the proposed $100 (£69. Yeah I know) entry fee will give the region a much-needed cash injection from tourists.

    That might sound a lot of money just to ride around on the Pleasure Train while you suck on a cock-shaped piece of rock, but if you still laugh at anything that looks like a dick, I reckon it's definitely worth paying.

    Words by Liam Bond

    Featured Image Credit:

    Topics: Brazil

    My mum's on Tinder, so I have very little left to live for. @The0therbond