This is the story of Mario Licato. He is not Shia LaBeouf. He looks like Shia LaBeouf but I can assure you, he is not the JUST DO IT guy.
This weekend, Mario was travelling to a show at a place called Pianos on the Lower East Side of New York when he was punched in the face by a stranger.
That stranger's reason for punching him int he face was nothing more than: "This is because you look exactly like Shia LaBeouf!"
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Talking to The Gothamist, Mario recalls not even seeing the guy, just a fist flying towards him as he was walking up the stairs.
He lost consciousness upon landing at the bottom of the stairs but when he woke up, realised his face was covered in blood and his glasses broken in half.
Credit: Megan Adamson-Jackes
The attacker was later described by a couple who witnessed the assault as in his mid-20s, about 6ft tall and muscular.
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"I was so confused. I was even more confused because I got up and I was like, am I crazy or did I hear him say, "This is because you look like Shia LaBeouf?" And [the couple] were like, "Nope. That's exactly what he said as he was running away from you."
Naturally, 911 was called and an ambulance arrived within minutes and checked him for concussion before telling him he'd need stitches in his eyebrow. Police also arrived and wrote a report which looks something like this...
Credit: NYPD
Licato got a cab back home later that night. And his resemblance to Shia LaBeouf...
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"So many times. That's why I knew I wasn't that crazy. I got it three years ago. I've been stopped on the street before, at least 10 times in my life," he said.
"I wanna know what Shia LaBeouf did to him. What did Shia LaBeouf do to him that he punched somebody that looks like him? He must have did something so mean. Did he steal his girlfriend? Did he just see his last performance art piece?"
The questions remain unanswered Mario, and we want to know too. Shia, if you're out there and you're reading this, provide us with answers. Please.
Words by George Pavlou
Featured Image Credit:Topics: Shia LaBeouf