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Grilled cheese? Nothing but a glorified toastie, mate. Don't come round here with your gentrified toasted butties, I see your game.
What can a 'grilled cheese' offer that a toastie can't, anyway? Extravagant, batshit fillings? Hey, if it's those you like, a restaurant in Manchester has got you covered.
Now, we're very obviously not talking about those ham-and-cheese combos you're used to, nor even the addition of beans to the equation (live dangerously, if you like, but you know there's a good chance they'll drip on you).
No, Frankie's Toasties has thrown together some crazy creations, with sandwich fillings including the likes of Mars bars and Super Noodles. Not together, obviously; they're not monsters.
Still though - bit different to a £15 grilled cheese containing pulled pork, avocado and... oh, I dunno, mac'n'cheese or something. The idea was coined by Barry Chui, the owner of Frankie's Toasties, whose genius concept was formed around the idea that toasties are unanimously adored. You can't fault his logic.
He told the MEN: "It's a bit of a random idea but I was just at home one night, I had nowt in the fridge so I made a toastie - and when I was eating it that's when I thought: 'Everyone loves a toastie.'
"They're the old school ones that people know from growing up. The grilled cheese is a bit of an Americanism and it's become quite a big thing, but when I was looking I couldn't find anything where anybody was doing just toasties.
"As far as I know we're the first people to open a dedicated toastie restaurant in the country."
Having one of the marvelous creations won't set you back more than £3 or £4, and with an option of 32 fillings it's pretty likely that they'll be catering to your taste, however unique it is. (Unless you can personally disprove the 'everyone loves a toastie' theory, in which case I dunno what to tell you).
Barry has teased some of his new menu showstoppers on Instagram, including 'The Sir Richard Branston' - a double cheddar and mozzarella mix, with a decent helping of Branston Pickle - and 'The Three Amigos' - packed with tortillas, jalapeños and real cinema-style nacho cheese sauce.
There's also one dedicated to Barry's hometown of Salford, in Greater Manchester, 'The Salford Super Noodle Buttie' - which he makes using real instant noodles with chicken flavouring. As he added in the Instagram post: "For those who would like added calcium you can also add cheese!"
If the more outré fillings aren't quite up your street, Barry does also deal in the odd British classic, such as 'The Cheap 'n' Cheeseful', which is just your straight-up cheese toastie - well, kinda. Frankie's is completely loaded with a double cheddar mix and mozzarella.
Frankie's Toasties even has you covered if you've got a sweet tooth as he offers a full range of indulgent treats including 'The Mars Attack' - forget deep frying them, stuffing Mars Bars in a toastie seems to be the way to go.
Or there's the 'What S'more do you need', which Frankie's social media dubs 'one of our healthy options' - with a winky face, just so you're not confused thinking a snack stuffed with Nutella, melted marshmallows and digestive biscuit might be low calorie in any way.
It looks like history may have left behind the simple toastie of yore - this is a whole new level.
Does anyone else really want a toastie right now?
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