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If you're into your video gaming, you'll probably have heard about the release of Red Dead Redemption 2. Basically, everyone is raving about it.
Critics have been rushing to give it full marks, gamers are discovering weird stuff about it - like the fact that if you kill dogs you'll be shunned by entire communities - and, for whatever reason, everyone is really impressed that horse bollocks shrink when it gets cold.
One of the largest improvements that the developers have made is that you can now experience the game in a first-person mode. That means that the whole thing just feels a bit more real and immersive. Good stuff.
That is, until you're being attacked by a dramatically real looking and horrifying bear.
One of the best things about the game is that the graphics are unreal. It looks so shimmering and lovely.
However, a downside of that is that the bears are utterly terrifying. Oh, and they also come at you from basically out of nowhere.
You'd be surprised at how easy it seems for a gigantic grizzly bear to come out of nowhere to scare the living daylights out of you.
Less surprisingly, perhaps, is that people are using the ultra-crisp graphics and reactive game elements to draw dicks.
Yes, it was inevitable. With a game this sophisticated it was only a matter of time before some bright spark figured out how they could use it to draw a penis.
To the tech artist who worked multiple late nights on the snow deformation technology, know that you've brought much joy to the world. pic.twitter.com/UwH8sJuGLv
- petermolydeux (@PeterMolydeux) October 26, 2018
Well, at least they didn't kill any dogs in the process. One journalist who managed to get his hands on an advance copy of the game claims that he 'accidentally' killed a dog - yeah right - and was then cast out of the town that he was in for animal cruelty.
Dean Takahashi explained: "Things were going great until I accidentally shot a dog.
"On more than one occasion, I accidentally pulled the R2 trigger in the PlayStation 4 Pro version, rather than the L2 trigger. In this case, I was supposed to pet the dog, who was sitting on a wooden sidewalk. Instead, I shot it by accident. When I did this, we all screamed in shock.
"After I shot the poor little pooch, I learned animal cruelty was a crime. I was branded an outlaw in the fictional town of Valentine, as people witnessed the event and one of the bystanders ran to get the sheriff. The lawman came over and asked me to leave town.
"I started walking away, but not fast enough. So, he started shooting at me. I fired back, and that was another mistake. The crack of gunfire was deafening, and it was all really unnecessary."
He continued: "I was reborn, but still had a large bounty on my head. At the advice of my fellow Rockstar observers, I went to the post office and pay the bill. So I went there, paid $225, and lifted the bounty. We noticed there were bullet holes in my leather jacket.
"I figured that would be enough. But as I walked through town, the townspeople reacted negatively to me. One said, 'We remember what you did.' Even though my weapon was holstered, I wasn't welcome at the stable in that town."
Bloody hell. They really care about their pets in the fictional Wild West.
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