Goon is a legendary part of Australian culture.
Whether you played Goon of Fortune at university, blew up the sack to make a pillow after polishing off 4L of the golden stuff, or just genuinely enjoy good value for money when it comes to buying booze, there's a spot in everyone's heart for the humble goonsack.
While everyone might have their favourite tipple, an Australian YouTuber has set out to see what is the best of the best.
Advert
Friendlyjordies, real name Jordan Shanks, has posted a video showing him plowing through a bunch of different goonsacks to decide which takes his fancy the most.
To start the video, Jordan is shocked to find after trips to two different bottle shops, he can't find the famed Fruity Lexia, which is a travesty in itself.
The first goonsack off the rank is Tangle Vine's Chardonnay. After several sips straight out of the bag, Friendlyjordies' first reaction to the wine is: "Wow, that is goon."
Advert
Can't tell if that's a positive or a negative but it's definitely a statement. He follows up the first statement with: "At least it doesn't make you go blind like homemade Russian vodka."
That is seriously a low bar to set. Despite that reaction, the Chardonnay manages to get eight out of 10.
Next up is In Top Company's Rosé, which loses some marks because he can't put the box on his head to wear as a Goon Crown. It doesn't get much better when he tastes the wine, which he describes as 'brutal'.
Advert
"That was so bad that my body convulsed. I wanted to dry reach just with the taste in my mouth," he says. Yeah not a glowing review.
But strangely, it manages to get a 10 out of 10 rating.
The third goonsack is Banrock Station's Moscato, which is described on the box as a 'sweet and light' white wine. This one fares very well, with Jordan saying that it even tasted like Cottee's - again, it's difficult to interpret whether that's a good or bad thing.
Because it's a nice tasting wine, it got 0 out of 10. I think we see a pattern here with the rating scale.
Advert
Winesmith's Riesling cops a savage wince when tasted, with Jordan saying it's 'flavourless' and 'awful'. Regardless, it gets nine out of 10.
De Bortoli's Premium Cabernet Merlot, which is a regular sight at bottle shops around Australia, is absolutely slated. While it gets extra points for the box fitting on his head, Jordan says he would have preferred to have drunk gasoline.
As a result, it receives a whopping 11 out of 10.
Advert
Walker Grove's Chardonnay also prompts a scream when Jordan tastes it, with the YouTuber adding that it's the perfect drink for that part of the night where you say: "I don't care that it tastes like s***." He's so drunk at this point that he forgets to rate it.
Finally, Stanley Premium Tawny's wine gets the moniker of 'Alcoholic Chocolate Syrup', which doesn't sound nice at all. It cops a seven out of 10 because 'at least it has flavour'.
No doubt there will be plenty more goon varieties that were missed during this test, but at least you now know which is the best of the best. Or worst, I don't know any more.
Featured Image Credit: Friendlyjordies/YouTubeTopics: News, Alcohol, Australia