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Townsville Named Australia’s S******t Town For 2021

Townsville Named Australia’s S******t Town For 2021

Townsville has been crowned the s******t town in Australia for 2021, followed closely by the entire state of NSW.

Hannah Blackiston

Hannah Blackiston

We love nothing more in Australia than heaping s**t on other states, towns and anyone who doesn't live within a 5km radius of us.

So it fills us with absolute delight to see the winner of S**t Towns of Australia bestow its annual Supreme S***hole of the Year award, especially when it isn't our home town.

To celebrate the end of what has been an absolute s***hole of a year, Townsville has been named the s******t town of the year, taking out 36.5 per cent of the vote.

In second spot was 'the entire state of New South Wales' with 30 per cent, which is a fair call after rolling lockdowns and an embarrassing year in local politics, Byron Bay took third with 20 per cent and Mount Druitt fourth with 13.5 per cent.

Townsville slipped into top spot thanks to local crime, according to residents.

"I love Townsville. Like genuinely have an affinity for the place," said one commenter on the announcement. "But far out, it is ALWAYS getting on the list for some gronk doing something stupid and getting arrested for it. So I would say that this is probably fair play."

Another resident added: "I would like to formally thank Annastacia (Palaczszuk), Scott (Morrison) and crew for their unfailing efforts in ignoring the crime situation in Townsville.

"We could not have won this amazing award without their consistent neglect."

A third Townsville fan said: "Couldn't have been anyone else. Ruthlessly consistent all year, and the sort of quality that (Port) Pirie can only dream of. Townsville deserves this championship."

People were particularly proud that Townsville managed to knock an entire state from the top spot, which, to be honest, is a very impressive feat.

Last year it was Queensland's Logan that took out the top spot, for the second year in a row, followed by Nimbin and Adelaide.

Earlier this year, Townsville also took the title for Queensland's S******t City with 34 per cent of the vote over Logan's 23 per cent and Ipswich's 11 per cent.

S**t Towns of Australia has provided Townsville with a savage write up, highlighting its history of racism and sad sporting history.

"Townsville (or Towntown in English) was named after Robert Towns, a notorious slave trader who was well-known for the practice of 'blackbirding', which is Australian for abducting South Sea Islanders and forcing them to work on your sugar cane plantations," reads the review.

"In true s**t town fashion, Townsville honoured their namesake with a bronze statue for his services to racism."

Going through the city's 'oppressive heat, nightmarish disease, and wildlife that devours wayward tourists' and aggressive climate, the post also touches on the crime issues Townsville faces.

"Aside from being a Kmart Cairns, Townsville is known as a hotbed of youth crime and car theft, which makes it an ideal place to stop if you want an insurance payout," it added.

"Townsville is the only place in Australia where every high school has its own youth court, juvenile prison and parole office - the only reason they aren't all packed is because no one goes to school."

Congrats Townsville, this is truly the end of 2021 you deserve. From the state of NSW, we salute you.

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Topics: News, Australia, News, Australia