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The distinction between a pop music video and soft porn has become increasingly blurred, to the point that the only real difference is the music is markedly better in the latter.
But while porn videos may be easier on the ear, has a porn star ever managed to give you a 'brain orgasm'?
If the answer is no, then allow Cardi B to pop your mind cherry.
In the video for W Magazine, the rapper whispers slowly into a microphone and strokes a shag rug; next thing you know you've spaffed all over your skull.
But how? What is this sorcery?
This sorcery is Autonomous Sensory Meridian Response (ASMR) and if you've never heard of it before, it might just change your life forever. Best case scenario, you might be able to use it to reduce anxiety or help you get off to sleep. Worst case scenario you may not be able to conceive without someone rubbing tinsel on your elbows.
It basically involves people gently tapping, clicking, whispering, tapping, scratching or whatever it may be, and for some reason people love it. The term originally comes from a Facebook group created in 2010 that consisted of people creating 'low-grade euphoria' for others.
Since then it's taken off, to the point that there is an array of 'ASMRtists' on YouTube dedicated to giving you the pleasure tingles in whichever way works for your weird brain, be that a barber stroking someone's chin with a piece of paper towel or a flight attendant inflating a life jacket in slow motion; Kylie Jenner cooking seems to be quite a popular choice.
In Cardi B's video, she very softly does a sort of purr into the microphone while gently sliding her fingers up and down the microphone. However, judging from the response online, it seems that while the video may trigger a 'brain orgasm', it could also induce the classic trouser orgasm. So tread carefully.
Right?! I had to take a second when I saw her play with the mic pic.twitter.com/OGY0rIyhaW
- NessaPie (@j__nkie) October 23, 2018
Many in the ASMR community though deny that it is just another weird fetish to be added to the grand list of human perversions, instead saying it makes them fee relaxed and comforted.
Award-winning artist and noted #ASMR enthusiast @IamCardiB whipsers about her chart-topping song 'Bodak Yellow' and motherhood while stroking a shag rug. Watch the full oddly satisfying video here: https://t.co/t2HeC1CigP
Captured on a #Pixel3. pic.twitter.com/kmhTIQP7Ii
- W magazine (@wmag) October 22, 2018
Personally, this video has the exact opposite effect. It makes me anxious and fidgety, like there is a gorilla on my back that I need to throw off. But now I am forced to consider, does the video really make me feel like this, or is this in fact my mind resisting succumbing to the sweet surrender of its maiden brain splurge?
I'm not sure.
I think I'll go home and watch the full length video, see if that clears things up.
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