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After only being on sale for a short few hours, I'm delighted to report that Post Malone's signature Crocs have sold out completely.
Jesus Christ. It's like they stuck a load of data into a 'things that make people throw up a bit in their mouths' generator, and this is the unholy garbage that it spat out of the back end.
Just to add a further variable into the machine's calculations, apparently Madonna was desperate to get her mitts on a pair of them but was left disappointed.
The bizarrely tattooed 'musician' Malone spoke of his delight - and presumably shock - at the swift sell out on his Instagram page. Posty posted: "My first collab with @crocs is SOLD OUT already!"
Madonna quickly chirped up to say: "Omg I love those. How can I get some?"
Whereas the rest of us will have to wait until December for there to be more stock available (how will we ever cope?) Madonna, it seems, could get sent an exclusive pair by Crocs themselves.
Their official account responded to Madge, saying: "QUEEN, hi. DM us"
Now, I don't know about you guys, but suddenly I'm not so worried and consumed with existential dread regarding the fact that the world is almost certainly going to end soon.
Bring it on, I say.
OK, so we'd better discuss the actual product I suppose. Here goes.
The 'Posty Co.' signature Crocs are basically like your average pair of Crocs - which is to say, ugly and favoured by only chefs, your dad, and those with an extremely low opinion of themselves - except these feature a spiffy yellow devil face design.
They've also got several holes in them so that people can see your feet, or if you're like Post Malone, your socks.
The front ventilation area offers lucky passers by a sneak preview of your uncut toenails. Seriously, is there anything desirable about these?
Post announced the collaboration recently on his Instagram with a post that was part announcement, part love letter to the maligned footwear brand.
He said: "I wear Crocs everywhere from the bar to the stage and I felt it was the perfect collaboration to get together with Crocs and give the fans what they've been asking for."
The future had been looking bright for those of us who aren't into Crocs, too. This might just have saved them. Until recently Crocs had been closing shops and factories down, you'd imagine this quick influx of sales might keep the wolf from the door.
You've won this round, Crocs. But the war is not over...
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