National Boyfriend Day: Sickeningly Cute Things Boyfriends Do But Don't Tell Their Mates
It's not the usual chat between trussed up blokes down the pub, cute things they've done for their other halves.
"Ohhh boys listen to this. My girlfriend was feeling ill and was running late after having a really crappy day at work, so I ran out and bought her a possum hot water bottle, cos I call her my little possum, and I recorded Ice Road Truckers, cos she was gonna miss it. Her face when she realised I'd recorded it and I'd bought her a possum hot water bottle, boys, it was a picture."
But we all know this is the cute shit we're up to behind closed doors. The fact there are less of the men at the pub in the first place tells the story; one of several reasons nobody says 'bros before hoes' anymore is because it patently isn't true.
As such, on National Boyfriend Day, let us revel in all the cute things boyfriends do for their partners they so adore.
We asked our readers whether their boyfriends would buy them a Maccies when they're feeling rough, watch reality TV with them (even though they hate it) and help clean the house/bedroom. A whopping 78 percent said their boyfriend would get the nuggets in, with a slim majority of 57 percent enduring reality TV and a fairly terrible 48 percent helping out with the cleaning.
Meanwhile, partners have shared their cutesy stories in a discussion on Reddit.
One person said: "My boyfriend always stops to kiss me goodbye. Doesn't matter if he's terribly late to work. He gently wakes me up and kisses me then sets out my coffee cup by the coffee machine. It makes my day every day. It's the little things."
Another person said: "I have a really hard time getting out of bed in the morning. My fella will give me a few chances to get up on my own, then blast a song on his phone, usually with a 'morning' theme. Think 'Good Morning Starshine', 'Mr Blue Sky' or 'Chop Suey!'. It's cute."
N.B. Any boyfriends reading this in search of inspiration - do not assume that your partner will describe being awoken by System of a Down's 'Chop Suey!' as cute.
Another person said: "My significant other writes cheesy poems (roses are red..) or just how much I mean to him on the steamy mirror after he showers, so whenever I shower there's a cute note for me to read.
"Anything he gives or buys for me is 'To my love' and 'From: ya boi'. He doodles roses and balloons that say 'I love you' on me.
"Whenever I cook us dinner, he sits on the chair in the kitchen and keeps me company instead of just watching TV or whatever. He's pretty perfect to me.
"Sometimes we press our butts together (90% of the time we're fully clothed. Sometimes I'm just in panties or we're in the shower) and just wiggle back and forth. We call it butt bumping. We always high five and hug/kiss after we do this.
"We do it randomly. Sometimes he'll be bent over looking in the fridge, or ill be packing us a bowl and it happens. Whenever we see the opportunity."
Sorry, even on National Boyfriend's Day that is revolting. Not the bare arse detail just the sheer sickly cutesyness of it all.
Another person said: "I have several food allergies while he can eat anything. Still, he always keeps an eye out for new 'free from' products and other foods I can have, reads every label carefully and surprises me with something."
... Not feeding your girlfriend shit she is allergic to - does it get any more heart-wrenchingly romantic than that?
Still, the above are just a handful of examples that demonstrate how much love boyfriends have to give and the many ways in which they are willing to give it, whether it's by waking you up with heavy metal, rubbing their bare arse on you or not killing you with peanuts.
Hats off to all the boyfriends.