Hell Has Actually Frozen Over, So All Bets Are Off

It's been so cold in parts of the US this week that even Lake Michigan turned to ice.

So cold that people have been advised not to breathe too deeply.

And now, Hell has officially frozen over.

But don't start thinking you will no longer suffer eternal fiery damnation for all of your sins - the Hell in question is a town in Michigan, located around 60 miles (96km) west of Detroit.

This is not the first time Hell has frozen over. Five years ago the town was hit by a huge deluge of snow, but this time around it is far colder, with temperatures dropping as low as -26C.

A town Facebook page, brilliantly entitled 'Go To Hell, Michigan', confirmed that Hell had indeed frozen over.

The post read: "We don't have as much snow, but we are much colder! Yes, Hell has frozen over."

No doubt countless people across the world are now regretting their words, as they stay true to the nonchalant promises they never thought would have to keep:

"Sure I'll mow your lawn Tony - when hell freezes over," quipped Tony's neighbour.

"Listen Lesley, I'll pay for your golf club membership once you start putting in the practice at the driving range... and when hell freezes over!" vowed Lesley's prick of a husband.

"Yeah I'll abide by my probation order. When hell freezes over," said the hardened criminal.

But the people of Hell can actually consider themselves to be relatively lucky, temperature-wise, as large swathes of the US remain gripped by a polar vortex.

In Minnesota, temperatures could drop as low as -70C with windchill, according to Sky News, which is absolutely absurdly cold.

Elsewhere, in Chicago - which is around 240 miles west of Hell - there is a chance the city's lowest ever temperature will be recorded, if it drops below a record low of -32C, set in 1985.

The polar vortex is understood to have claimed 21 lives so far, several of whom were found dead a short distance from their homes.

On Tuesday, a man froze to death having 'apparently collapsed after shovelling snow', according to a medical examiner.

During the early hours of Wednesday morning, an 18-year-old University of Iowa student was found unresponsive near his dorm and later died in hospital.

In Chicago, however, an anonymous Samaritan did their bit to care for the city's homeless, paying for hotel rooms for 70 people.

It is hoped that temperatures will begin to rise over the weekend.

Featured Image Credit: Facebook/Go To Hell, Michigan

Topics: Snow, Weather, News, Funny, US News

Jake Massey

Jake Massey is a journalist at LADbible. He graduated from Newcastle University, where he learnt a bit about media and a lot about living without heating. After spending a few years in Australia and New Zealand, Jake secured a role at an obscure radio station in Norwich, inadvertently becoming a real-life Alan Partridge in the process. From there, Jake became a reporter at the Eastern Daily Press. Jake enjoys playing football, listening to music and writing about himself in the third person.

@jakesmassey