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A mother-of-one from St. Helens got a particularly strange case of the willies when going up into her attic recently, after discovering a 'scaly and rotten' adult sex toy.
For those perverted enough to want to know more, the erotic aid was a seven-inch dildo that was found covered in dust and standing erect in all its glory. None of the punchlines we could add here are printable.
27-year-old Raychel Bonney has having CCTV cameras fitted to her home a fortnight ago and it was the engineer working on the job who made the initial discovery, calling the mortified mum upstairs to look at the 'little present' that he had found.
Raychel is insistent at the toy isn't her or her partner Matthew's, with neighbours suggesting it could have been owned by the property's previous randy tenants, who were known for their regular loud sex sessions.
"It's hilarious - it could only happen to me" said Raychel.
"The toy is rotten - it looks like it's been there years. It's scaly and scabby at the bottom, like the plastic has burned."
Incredibly this was the first time Raychel had ever ventured up to her attic despite living in the house for a couple of years, and it's unlikely she'll be returning anytime soon after the shock of her dirty discovery.
"The CCTV man came and said he needed to put a socket in the attic," she explained.
"I just said 'you'll have to excuse whatever's in the loft because I've never been in'. I never even went into the attic at all. As he got up the ladders he said 'your last tenants have left you a little present - go up and have a look'.
"I looked forward and there it was in all its glory. He was laughing but I was so embarrassed - I didn't want him to think it was mine."
Raychel has ended up seeing the funny side of things, recounting the tale on Facebook, while her partner has also reportedly found the unwanted surprise 'hilarious'. With neither of them keen to touch the toy it looks like it'll remain in the attic gathering more dust.
Onto the more important question though: if it wasn't Raychel and Matthew's then who's was it? Their neighbours reckoned they had the answer.
Raychel said: "I'm close with my other neighbours and it was something we could laugh at. They said a couple of years ago a couple that lived there were quite loud in the bedroom and they could hear it on the street when the windows were open. It's maybe from the people before us a couple of years ago."
More surprisingly still, it seems like theirs isn't the only antique sex toy that's been found in the area.
"I told my landlord and said 'I hope this isn't yours' as a joke' Raychel explained.
"He said 'funnily enough, my daughter's just moved into a house in the same area and the plumber found one in her loft as well.
"There must be something going on. It's a very adventurous area."
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