You Can Now Buy 'The Original' Fake Taxi
As we all know, eBay is a strange place. The basic rule is pretty much 'if you want it, you can buy it' - from a 10-year-old snowball to the preserved ear of impressionist artist Vincent Van Gogh.
Now, while I'm fairly skeptical of both of these, particularly old Vincent's lobe, what I can almost certainly guarantee is that neither will require you to hack away years' worth of dried semen.
But if that's a bit of a clincher, fear not, because the very first Fake Taxi has just gone up for sale.
For those not au fait with its work, I would implore you not to look it up - or at least, not while you're at work.
Basically, Fake Taxi is a pornography site that creates special adult films where people get in fake taxis and end up having sex with the randy driver.
Ordinarily, passengers end up doing the deed in lieu of paying their fare or something similar. The action is then captured on the driver's seedy, inward-facing dashcam, although - of course - it's all fake. Except for the sex. That bit is very real.
Over the years, the site has gained something of a cult status among porn aficionados, and now it's your chance to own the motor that is responsible for all of its success.
More Like This
With a starting price of just £69 - what else? - this piece of porn history is available now. Another, younger model was sold last year, but we are assured that this is the OG motor.
Fake Taxi told LADbible: "We're finally retiring the original filthy beast that made us what we are today. The old girl's done us well over the years. 417,000 miles on the c**k, over 2,000 passengers not paid, and an unfathomable amount of stains acquired.
"Have no fear, though, we are bringing in a newer, fresher, stainless London black taxi and we can't wait for her to get going."
The company continued: "Yes, we know we did this before but eBay deleted the last listing for bodily fluids on the backseat. We can assure you that the stains are not fluid. You will need a chisel to remove these stains."
If you fancy attempting to clean away copious amounts of jism, feel free to make a bid.
Or, if this isn't for you, you could always do what a bunch of lads did last year when they created their own Fake Taxi and took it out on the road for a four-day stag do, stopping off in Amsterdam, Wolfsburg and Berlin along the way.
Best man Tony said it went down a treat with fellow drivers.
He told LADbible: "The Dutch staff on the boat and the truck drivers were all laughing, they clearly knew what Fake Taxi was all about as well. The foreign ferry guys loved it and named it the 'f***y f***y bus', giving us a farewell horn salute when we left the boat."
Featured Image Credit: eBay