When it comes to stag dos, things will go wrong at some point - it's just a question of when and how badly.
They're basically an exercise in damage limitation.
But just how wrong can a train ride go? Answer: very fucking wrong for this bunch of LADs.
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And this is a lesson that ten friends from Oxfordshire learned the hard way on a weekend trip to the German city of Koln, to celebrate their mate's impending marriage.
What followed was a comedy errors and the most ham-fisted attempt at a day at the football you're ever likely to see.
Stag dos can actually be quite awkward affairs really. No-one really knows each other,and often you only really share on thing in common - the groom.
So to bring the group together, they decided to do it the only way they knew how; beer and the big match.
But as Koln weren't at home that weekend they decided to make the two-hour journey to see the clash between Bundesliga giants Eintracht Frankfurt and Werder Bremen.
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Awkwardness averted. Job done. Two hours though? Sounds like a long time. Sure it will be fine though.
One bright spark among the group had found a train that could cut the journey time in half. What a stroke of luck.
Looking back, Jonny Wyatt - the groom's brother - remembered how things had started so well.
He said: "It was a really nice morning, the sun was out. Everyone shook off their hangovers and there was a bit of a buzz around the group. You could tell it was going to be a good day.
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"In the train station we sort of went through the standard motions. Lots of wandering around and a couple of the lads tried asking for help from locals but with no great success.
"Then Connor excitedly said he'd found a quick route and started barking orders. He had his phone out and kept flashing it about talking about changes and platforms - It was all so convincing."
This is where things started to get off track - bants - and after changing trains for the first time two members of the group bailed and returned to Koln
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Jonny said: "Questions were raised but minds were confidently put at ease by the would-be navigator, who with a beer in one hand and Google Maps in the other assured use we were still on course for an exciting afternoon of football. In a way he was right, but for all the wrong reasons.
"For some reason I believed him right up till the end. But being his best mate, I knew if it went tits up I'd get a good laugh out of it, especially as it was the first time he'd met most of the group.
"I was still in denial, trying to explain how some football teams play outside the main city but by this point my brother Frank was laughing at me. Then when we saw the ground, the truth sank in."
By this point things aren't so much 'off track' as they are the burning wreckage of a decent day out.
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Connor has well and truly done it, taking his new mates down with him.
I'll let Jonny explain: "The village of Alfter is a beautiful one. Nestled in the rolling German hills and carved out of the Black Forest, the village is as quaint and picturesque as you might expect.
"It is not however, the home to a 55,000-seater football stadium and is also 200km from Frankfurt."
What it is though is the home of German FOURTH division side VflAlfter, who - you've guessed it - weren't playing that day.
The LADs just couldn't catch a break. This was turning into their wurst day ever.
Jonny said: "Their stadium is more akin to a local leisure centre than anything else. The facilities were good though, they had a 4g pitch, bar, club house, and on this day a bouncy castle too because it was the day of the annual six-a-side competition.
"The locals kind of figured something unusual was going on. They could tell we were from elsewhere."
Instead of cursing their lack of fortune get them down, they did what all pissed up football fans do when they go abroad. They went straight to the bar, made some friends, and performed a rendition of 'It's Coming Home' for their hosts.
*I'm not crying, you're crying*
And it seemed their hosts took the beleaguered guests to their hearts.
Jonny said: "An announcement came over the PA system and said: 'Welcome to our guests from England who have come all the way to see us today - this is better than Frankfurt, right?'
"Cue laughter and applause from all sides. One man put his arm around Connor and said, 'welcome to hell'.
"At first it was a bit embarrassing but then the party mode kicked in and everyone was on board with it
"People were singing with us with everyone wanting a chat, it was quality. It was all a bit surreal but in the end I think we had more laughs in that afternoon than we would have done at the game."
They were then given a few mementos to remind them of the arduous day and invited back to play in next year's sixes tournament.
Jonny added: "My brother Nathan told his boss about the trip and he's promised to buy our kits for the tournament and sponsor them."
With a story this big it wasn't long until the press got hold of it and they were headline news in Aflter - and after reading about their traumatic experience, Eintracht Frankfurt - the team they were supposed to see in the first place - have invited them to a game this season.
So all's well that ends well - but Connor is never allowed to be in charge of directions ever again.
Featured Image Credit: Jonathan Wyatt/Nathan Wyatt
Topics: SPORT, UK News, News, Funny