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Loud 'Sex Noise' Interrupts UK Championship Snooker Match

Loud 'Sex Noise' Interrupts UK Championship Snooker Match

If you make a sex noise at a snooker match, it will be detected

Jake Massey

Jake Massey

Making sex noises in public generally isn't advisable. But some places are more appropriate than others. A sex noise at a nightclub is less likely to raise eyebrows than at a graveyard, for example.

The same rule applies in the world of sports.

Football and rugby matches are generally quite raucous and are therefore towards the 'good' end of the sex noises at sports events spectrum. Snooker, by contrast, is right down at the baaaad end of the spectrum.

For those who have never been to a snooker match, the atmosphere is characterised by complete silence, interspersed with the odd ripple of applause. As such, a very loud sex noise isn't going to go undetected.

The sex noise in question occurred during a UK World Championship match between Mark Allen and Basem Eltahhan last week.

Northern Irishman, Allen, was ahead by two frames to one and up 76-1 in the fourth as he lined up to pot a red; but then - 'EHHHHHHHHHHH!'

The sex noise echoes around the quiet auditorium and Allen withdraws from the shot with a chuckle.

It all comes back to the sex noises at sports events spectrum. For Allen, that sex noise was very clearly audible and therefore distracting, thus he had to withdraw from the shot... it certainly wasn't on cue anyway. Ba dum tssss.


Head down to Anfield and make the loudest sex noises you can when Liverpool get a penalty and James Milner is still gonna run up and slot it home (trust me).

However, it should be noted at this point, that it is not clear whether the abrupt noise is definitely a 'sex noise'. It seems safe to assume that it definitely wasn't an actual 'live' sex noise, as it were. For that to be the case, the shaggers must have been incredibly silent for all but one second of their intercourse. Either that or one second was the entirety of their intercourse.

It seems more likely that a bored spectator was flicking through their phone and was duped by the old 'you've got to watch this hilarious video' trick, whereby you click and extremely loud sex noises blare out of your phone. It's embarrassing at the best of times, but in a silent auditorium - you can only imagine the redness of that bored bastard's cheeks.

That said, it also sounds a bit like a whaling baby or a dying goat, so fuck knows what that bored bastard was watching.

Featured Image Credit: PA

Topics: SPORT, UK News, Funny