A man in Cork was sent to jail this week for assaulting a woman after she scolded him for urinating on the street - and his barrister's defence case is side splittingly hilarious.
On Friday the court heard how the man was spotted urinating on the side of a street when a young mother of three approached him to tell him to stop.
"She asked him to stop and said he could not be doing that. He ran back to the Opel Astra. The injured party took a photo of the registration," explained Garda Murphy to the judge. "The male saw her taking a picture. He ran towards her with a stick. She put up her leg. He kicked her, knocking her to the ground. There were several witnesses."
Defence barrister, John Devlin argued: "She raised her foot, he raised his foot, their shoes collided, and she fell over."
"She put her leg up to protect herself, he kicked her and she fell over," countered Garda Murphy.
Judge Helen Boyle said: "She was quite within her rights to tell you to stop urinating - you were creating a nuisance of yourself. You ran towards her and you kicked her. You caused her an injury to her cruciate ligament."
"He was in the car which was stopped at traffic lights," Mr Devlin BL said of his accused client who was dressed for his day in court in a pink shirt, bright blue jacket, light blue pants and blue suede shoes.
"He got back into the car. The injured party remonstrated with him. He is very sorry for what happened. He apologises to her. He had drink taken and things happened."
This is where things start to get really good...
"He is a talented musician. He has recorded and plays country and western music," Devlin pointed out, logically enough, as most people know that those who play country and western music are pure at heart.
"He has visited Nashville and has visited Memphis, which as the court knows is the home of Elvis." Your honour, this man has been on TWO holidays, lest we forget.
"He plays in the style of Jim Reeves and has played in old folks' homes. He is recording a CD in a recording studio in Glanworth." That settles it then - the man is recording a CD in a recording studio of all places!
Needless to say, the judge this line of defence did not pull much favour with the judge who ultimately ruled the man must pay €1,000 to the injured party and imposed an 18-month sentence on him with the last three months suspended.
Featured Image Credit: Tingey Injury Law Firm on UnsplashTopics: Ireland