"Morning, the swan's escaped."
"Right, and where exactly has the swan escaped from exactly?"
"Errrr, the castle."
"Oh yeah? And who might you be?"
"Mr Staker. Mr Peter Ian Staker."
"P.I Staker. PISS taker, COME ON!"
The only difference between the above story and the one below is that there was no castle, and it happened in St Ives, Cambridgeshire, not Sandford, Gloucestershire.
Police officers 'arrested' the swan on Monday, September 18, for what they described as 'road rage, an RTC and obstructing the highway'.
(And you'll remember that it's now called a road traffic collision, as opposed to accident, as the latter implies no one was to blame - whoever said that Hot Fuzz wasn't educational?)
They posted the photos using the hashtag #HotFuzz. The tweet finished: "Awaiting RSPCA/RSPB attendance."
The force was called by a member of the public (not Peter Ian Staker) who was concerned for the swan on the A1123.
It was feared that the swan may have been hit by a lorry, but later checks by the RSPCA revealed that the bird had no signs of injury, and released it.
The RSPCA released the bird in a river, following it's capture at about 07:30 BST.
"No luck catching them swans then?" is another line from the 2007 film, and it seems the pesky white-feathered birds have a habit of causing havoc to British transport.
This swan held up commuters on South West Trains by waddling up the track for two miles.
The service from Teddington to Kingston Upon Thames was delayed by two hours as the train crawled a metre behind the swan.
Dan Billington was stood on the platform and said: "The train was rolling into the station at two miles per hour.
"People commuting to work were getting frustrated and one man was so annoyed he got on the tracks waving his laptop in one hand and tried to manhandle the bird.
"It was one of the most bizarre things I have ever seen."
The swan was eventually captured and released, with South West Trains apologising for the delays.
The Hot Fuzz swan was also saved, eventually helping to detain bad man Sergeant Frank Butterman - all for the greater good.Featured Image Credit: Twitter / CambsCopsSC