Guy Arrested After Pretending A Greggs Sausage Roll Was His Penis
Lots of people have got in trouble for some daft shit but one 30-year-old guy, Daniel Proctor, might just win, having roped in the UK's favourite pastry into his prank.
A woman was walking to work in the early hours of 4 November, when she saw someone stood near some bins outside McDonald's. In the victim's statement, she said she then "looked across and noticed his penis was sticking out the top of his trousers. He was waving it about. On seeing me, he stared at me for five to 10 seconds."
"I was about 100 yards away from the male and I had a clear, unobstructed view. The street was very quiet at that time of day," she also said, adding that she had been left feeling "alarmed and afraid".
She then crossed the road and considered taking a picture of him. However, she instead decided to call the police, who found Daniel hanging out in the loos of the fast food restaurant. He was initially arrested on suspicion of indecent exposure, before he revealed what he'd really exposed was actually pretty decent - and whipped out a Greggs sausage roll.
That meant he was charged with a public order offence, on the grounds that he had made the sausage roll 'look like his penis'. To reiterate - a guy actually got arrested because he made a Greggs sausage roll look like his penis. You really cannot make this shit up.
Prosecutor James Palmer said: "The officer cautioned and arrested him on suspicion of exposure and the defendant replied saying, 'It was a Greggs sausage roll'." Palmer then showed the police the remains of the Greggs favourite on top of a bin.
"It clearly was not his penis," added Palmer. "It was a sausage roll but he made it look like it was his penis, which was disorderly."
Daniel was due in court but didn't show up. His solicitor, Alanna Wesencraft, told the court he suffered from mental health issues but had no explanation as to why he failed to appear at court.
Magistrates gave him a six-month conditional discharge after they found him guilty in absence of behaving in a disorderly manner, which caused harassment, alarm or distress.
But the question on everyone's lips is why the hell did the guy not just eat it? We'd never let a Greggs sausage roll go to waste.
Featured Image Credit: PA