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A mum has shared a hilariously frank advert for her 'ancient 27 year old' static caravan, begging people to 'get this hunk of junk off my f***ing land'.
She explained that her family had been living in it while they built their 'dream home', but continued to admit that it wasn't a particularly comfortable experience.
"It is an ancient 27 year old caravan," she said in the description, the entirety of which was written in capital letters.
"32ft x 10 ft, 2 bed static. It has been lived in by a family of 7 (we were a family of 4) for 7 years onsite whilst building our dream home, which turned into a f***ing nightmare.
"It is not pristine. It is not pretty. It is a tin shed on wheels.
"It is f***ing hot in the summer. It is f***ing freezing in the winter. It even grows icicles on the inside.
"It could do with full replacement of carpets. It needs a good bleach clean throughout."
Perkins said the caravan has a 's*** oven', a 's*** hob' and a 's*** fridge', but does boast a 'pretty decent microwave, albeit a cheap Morrisons one'.
It also comes with a few 'extras', including a couple of old shoes in the wardrobe, abstract art 'courtesy of the children' and old bottles of booze under the sink.
"Pretty sure there's even a slow cooker that was only used once?" Perkins added.
The straight-talking mum said the best have been 'destroyed' but she couldn't be bothered to remove them.
"I'm sure if you are looking at it you can use it for something, I don't give a f*** what," she added.
"I want offers... I don't expect a lot but something would be nice."
Perkins then changed tack, writing: "F*** it, if you truly want this f***ing monstrosity then I will trade it for a couple boxes of hubby's favourite red wine - Jammy Red Roo of Jam Shed. Get this hunk of junk off my f***ing land.
"I'd love to say it's f***ing beautiful, but I'd be lying. I'd love to say I loved living in it, but I'd be lying. I'd love to say I'd look forward to a caravan holiday, but guess what...? I'd be lying."
Perkins told anyone interested to get in touch, but only if 'you are going to come and get it' as she's wasted too much time replying to 'f***ing time wasters'.
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