Ever been to a crap town? And I'm not talking about that time you went to London and couldn't find a pint for less than seven quid, but only 'cos you'd wandered into the first craft beer bar you could find in Shoreditch. A nowhere-to-go, nothing-to-do town. A really crap town.
Well, it seems plenty of people have, and their experiences have now been collected in a pretty damning top (or should that be bottom?) 10 worst towns in England. I'm sure people who call any of those places home will have something to say about it.
The folks at iLiveHere have spent the last decade compiling annual polls, conducted among thousands of readers who either visited the towns or already live there. So maybe there's some regional bias at play here - who's to say? Be warned either way: no punches are pulled.
Here's the top ten, with some highlights from the voters' comments - you can read the whole thing over at iLiveHere.
10. BLACKPOOL
Credit: PA
Where? Lancashire, Northwest.
What they say: "You may think it's a jolly seaside resort with candy floss and donkeys, it's a scumbucket for the transients who come here to draw benefits in a holiday resort, instead of an inner city."
The lights are nice though, eh?
9. OLDHAM
Credit: Supreme-B (Creative Commons)
Where? Greater Manchester, Northwest.
What they say: "I think Oldham was best summed up by a friend of mine who upon a visit to this fair town one day remarked that the people of Oldham look as though the government has been performing nuclear testing in the area."
Oof. Not sure what more can be said about that.
8. SUNDERLAND
Credit: Liam Swinney (Creative Commons)
Where? Tyne and Wear, Northeast.
What they say: "It's a pretty sad place, to be honest. Find somewhere with easy access to Newcastle City Centre and you'll be happy."
About that regional bias we mentioned...
7. GRAVESEND
Credit: shirokazan (Creative Commons)
Where? Kent, Southeast.
What they say: "It sucks. It really, really sucks."
Simple. Straightforward. You have to admire a description like that, in a way.
6. BRADFORD
Credit: Tim Green (Creative Commons)
Where? West Yorkshire, North.
What they say: "Unfortunately, there doesn't seem to be enough words available in the English language to emphasise what a complete and utter fucking shithole this place really is."
On the plus side, it's down from third place last year, so things are looking up.
5. ROCHDALE
Credit: Mikey (Creative Commons)
Where? Greater Manchester, Northwest.
What they say: "Rochdale, once described by Monty Python as a quaint Northern village. I am sure you already recognise this as a misnomer of the greatest degree."
So you're saying it's not a quaint Northern village?
4. SCUNTHORPE
Credit: Ben Sunderland (Creative Commons)
Where? Lincolnshire, East.
What they say: "One good thing about Scunthorpe? It takes about five minutes from the town centre to get out of the dump and go to a better place!"
But why would the dump be located in the town centre? Oh, wait, I get it.
3. LUTON
Credit: Matt Buck (Creative Commons)
Where? Bedfordshire, East.
What they say: "One of the most shocking moments of my stay in Luton was on Christmas day. My friend pointed out the local McDonalds, saying: 'It gets busier every year.'"
I'll be honest, I am already planning Maccies as a way of avoiding stress next Christmas. Sounds amazing.
2. HULL
Credit: John Lord (Creative Commons)
Where? East Riding of Yorkshire, North.
What they say: "What a fucking dump this place is."
Again, love those straightforward descriptions.
1. DOVER
Credit: PA
Where? Kent, Southeast.
What they say: "Let us for a moment imagine that the British Isles are the silhouette of an old man. Scotland is his cap, Cornwall his toes, Anglia his curved spine, making Dover his herpes infested shit-hole."
What a way to claim the top spot!
Don't think I'll be visiting any of these places in a hurry, if these descriptions are anything to go by. Will you?
Featured Image Credit: John Lord / M J Richardson (Creative Commons)Topics: UK News