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'Woo Yourself' At This Valentine's Day Masturbation Festival

Jake Massey

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'Woo Yourself' At This Valentine's Day Masturbation Festival

Valentine's Day can be hard for some people. It can be particularly hard for people who don't have anybody to share it with. But just because you're lonely and it's hard, doesn't mean it can't be fun.

Introducing a Valentine's Day wanking festival, coming to London on - you guessed it - Valentine's Day.

You'll be relieved to hear the event won't just consist of a load of strangers congregating in a tent in the capital and wanking together. It's actually all about 'self care', 'mini Reiki healings' and 'finding the key to your own heart'...

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Among the many activities planned for the self-love festival, called 'You're The One', is a love letter writing session with an inevitable twist - the love-letters will be written to yourself.

'Dear Me,

Thanks for cleaning me and always paying for meals and doing things that I like doing, such as wanking.

Love,

Me

XOXOX'

... Something like that, probably.

The evening will also explore 'the power of solo dates', whatever the fuck that means. Are we to infer there is a strength that comes with booking a table for one and flirting with yourself? Or is 'solo dates' just a grandiose term for a fap? Guess we'll have to book a ticket to find out.

As is if all that wasn't enough, guests will also be embodying their sensual selves with 'The School of Strut'. All they need to do is bring 'some sass'. And themselves, of course... If you haven't noticed yet, it's a very self-centred event.

Guests will be given the opportunity to wind down with two for one cocktails, the opportunity to play with 'Goddess Cards' (nope sorry, no idea) and massages from The Zen Sisters.

No doubt there will be a few off the cough activities planned too.

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On hand to discuss every thing from the definition of sexual wellness to how vibrators can increase lubrication is a crack panel comprised of:

Honey Ross - Co-founder, The Pink Protest

Rukiat Ashawe - Sexual health and feminist writer

Frankie Wells - Founder, Foundation FM & Project Pleasure

Kelly Ford - Comedian, presenter and model

The event is from 7pm until 10pm at Hoxton Square Bar and Kitchen, with tickets priced at £10 in advance, £15 on the door.

Anyone 18 or older is welcome to, as they put it: "Come. Let's explore."

Featured Image Credit: PA

Topics: UK News, Interesting, Sex, Weird, Valentine's Day

Jake Massey
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